Do YOU Have A List?
Posted by: Devyl GyrlHave you seen the Bucket List?
Every time I watch it, I crack up. I *heart* Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, and Jack Hayes was great as the personal valet to Edward Cole (Nicholson).
Life teaches us all lessons - some lessons harder than others. The last few years have held a lot of changes for my family, both immediate and extended. In April 2004, my (step) Mother, Cyndee, was diagnosed with terminal cancer, with a life expectancy of less than a year. She had been fighting cancer for several years - first, with homeopathic remedies and alternative medicine, then with surgery (double mastectomy), and finally with extremely aggressive chemotherapy and radiation. Prayer was a constant and consistent form of treatment, the one in which she most fervently believed. She also tried to get accepted into a program at the Moffit Cancer Center in Tampa, Florida.
When the terminal diagnosis was handed to Mom, I happened to be in a position where I could pick up and move “home” to live with my folks [for the first time - I grew up living with my Mom & (step)Dad]. It gave me the opportunity to spend time with a woman who had a great influence on my way of thinking, my ability to form relationships, and my desire to be “good” in very basic ways. This opportunity was also extended to my daughter, who had met her grandparents, but had not spent a great deal of time with them because for most of her young life, I had been in the U.S. Navy and we had rarely been able to visit.
The house was crowded: My 17 year old sister still lived at home, and both of my brothers had moved home too, probably because they also felt the need to spend that time with Mom. Dad wasn’t exactly thrilled with all of us there, but anytime any of us older kids mentioned getting an apartment or house, Mom would say, “Oh, you don’t want that one because…” I came to think that maybe she wanted us around, that it made her happy to have all of us kids nearby and underfoot once again.
Watching Mom go through her treatments was inspiring. She did not complain, she didn’t let the pain and discomfort get her down. She continued working, she made sure she cooked dinner for us every night (unless one of us beat her to it), and she spent a lot of quality time with each of us “kids.”
August was a crap month - not because of the treatments, but because of Hurricane Charley (another story in itself, and I’ll blog about it some other time), and the loss of electricity for three weeks. The suffocating heat, the next three hurricanes, the destruction throughout our town, and simply not having A/C made the treatments a lot more uncomfortable and pretty all-around unbearable. Still, she smiled, laughed, and loved her way through everything.
Our friends and associates held benefits in her honor, all of which she tried to attend for a little while, at least.
During all of this, she kept trying to write things down … for Dad (reminding him of their love, of how wonderful he always was to her), the kids (what changes she noticed in them, how they made her proud), and what she expected at her memorial service (make it a party - celebrate life!).
Christmas time rolled around … and Mom wasn’t able to go to the family party. I knew. I did not want to know. I did not want to be right. Mom died in early January. We were so grateful for being able to celebrate that one last Christmas with her at home.
The next month, my Aunt Peggy - my (step) Mom’s sister - was diagnosed with cancer, and immediately afterwards, was diagnosed as terminal with a life expectancy of less than a year. She passed away in October of 2005. I probably cried more when Aunt Peggy passed than when Mom passed, because the numbness had worn away, my outer shell of strength had been torn apart, and my feelings were raw and agitated.
2005 was a year that tested my core values, reinvigorated my innermost needs, and made me realize that the path I had been aiming for was not the path i wanted my life to follow. Money, advancement, houses, cars … they were all great. I understood my Mom & (step) Dad’s need to push me down the path of success …. but it wasn’t a path I cared about. My only real desires in life are to 1) be a good mother and 2) bring happiness to my loved ones, the people around me, anyone I can help, and therefore, myself.
I may get lost along the way sometimes, but right now my *heart* is in the right place, even if I have to struggle financially. I am happy in the most basic ways possible.
What does all this have to do with the movie?
I want to know if you have a “Bucket List” ? I’ve always had things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, accomplishments I wanted to achieve … but my bucket list items are the ones that will likely bring happiness not just to myself, but to the people I love.
The first three items on Carter and Edward’s list are, in my eyes, the most essential:
- Witness something truly majestic
- Help a complete stranger for a common good
- Laugh till I cry
The other items are great, but fillers … and important to the characters of Carter and Edward. My list would include things such as:
4. Teach my daughter what “pure happiness” means
5. Travel through New Zealand
6. Start/join/support a non-profit charity
7. Spend a month (six weeks, six months, a year …) volunteering in a third-world country
8. Grow old with someone special
9. Become a “better” person
10. Learn to speak a foreign language (Spanish would be good - my family is from Mexico)
What would you place on your bucket list?
