Nearly every summer for the past 10 years, my child has gone away to visit family of some sort or another, without me. I am not a parent who frets about these trips, who feels lost without her child by her side, or who weeps uncontrollably for hours when the child leaves. There have been times that people tell me I must not be a good parent because I am able to let her go so easily. I do not think it makes me any better or worse of a parent than those who have a hard time letting their children go, but then I really only have my child’s word on it, and those thoughts may be a little biased.
During the time that my child is gone, we call, write, send E-cards, and send text messages … these convenient forms of keeping in touch help me to feel connected even with 2500 miles of land between us. Being able to pick up the phone and hear that beautiful voice, or open an email and see a picture taken that day … these things bring an intense joy to my day, week, or even month.
When it is time for my child to come home, I begin to feel anxious: will the same closeness be there? Will there be changes in attitude that will make things difficult to get along? Did my ex-husband allow something to be altered physically that I wouldn’t approve of at this young age? Are we going to fall into the same easy mother-and-child routines, or will there be a new resistance? Wait-does my child even want to return home, or has the enticement of a different lifestyle, a monetarily-influenced lifestyle-won over finally? Did my parents spoil too much? Did they spoil enough? Was there enough to do, or did boredom ensue? What if this year wasn’t enough fun and next year my child decides to stay home? Will feelings be irreparably hurt?
The very moment I see my child, wrap my arms around that wonderful, beautiful, amazing soul enclosed in that precious body, my world is right again, even though I did not even realize it had been off-kilter. The pure joy in those beautiful eyes, the enthusiasm expressed in the gleeful, “MOM!”, the sunshine radiating from the delighted smile … these things are what being a mother, being a parent are all about.
Parents strive to help their children navigate the world in manner that not only avoids harming themselves, but also brings joy to others in this world. We want our children to give back as much as they receive, to bring a light to the world that will not be easily extinguished. We want our children to succeed in their dreams and to fail only when it is necessary to learn a lesson that will bring them greater success in the future.
Parenting is a difficult job - one that I would not trade for all of the jewels in this world. I feel more complete as a parent than I do with every other aspect of my life. Parenting is love. And love is the greatest thing that any of us have ever been give.
My child has just returned from a month away with my two sets of parents: One, overly strict and controlling. The other, warm and free and full of fun. When asked if this is a trip that would be looked forward to next summer, my child thought very carefully about the two weeks spent with each set of parents, then said a simple, “yes.” Even though the first two weeks were full of rules and obligations that even I don’t make you follow? “Yes, Mom. They just do not know how to let go. I did not understand before when you were explaining it to me, but I understand now. Besides, they said it was the most fun they had all year, when I was there. If that is what they think is fun, I do not want to take it away from them.” How beautiful are those words?
Parenting is joyful in the most basic ways. My child is home. My world has been righted.
