Random Thoughts and Musings

There are plenty of things on my mind at any given time.  Sometimes it helps to verbalize them (okay, those of you that know me realize that I nearly ALWAYS verbalize them). Sometimes, though, it really helps me focus on the important things in life when I start to list the thoughts that are floating through. Lucky you, getting to be my audience today!

1. Most of my thoughts are with my friend who had a death in the family. Not anything in particular, even. I think about him, then I think about the stories he’s told of this family member, then I think about how everyone in the family got together recently, then I think about his immediate family, and then I’m back to thinking about him. Vicious cycle, since 1) I don’t know him well enough to truly do anything for him and 2) He’s super independent and wouldn’t likely say if he wanted or needed anything (which is highly unlikely anyway) and 3) I live several hundreds of miles and several states away. See … vicious cycle.
2. Some of my friends (especially two very important Gyrlies) have been sick this week. I worry about them taking care of themselves, because they tend to spend a lot of time taking care of others. I know at least one is probably pretty well being taken care of by her sweet hubby. The other has a hubby that tends to be …. needy. And she’s too sweet to speak up and tell him to behave.
3. This leads me to think about another very important Gyrlie who has been having health problems for a long time, and who is trying to get treated for them, but who has not had a lot of luck with finding the true source. I worry that has to put up with so much from her health, and then since she is home, her family all relies on her to run their errands, help with miscellaneous household tasks, etc etc etc. I do not think she will ever get well if her stress levels are not brought down!
4. Once again this leads me to another friend who has not been on Plurk lately … I know many of my friends have also been thinking of her. I worry about her, even though I know her absence is not due to her health issues, I still wonder if she is feeling okay, if she is having any flareups, or if anything else is going wrong. Once in a while I text her, and sometimes I get a reply … but it is not the same as having her every day, cheering us all on thorughout our difficulties, and letting us cheer her on, too.
5. Pretty high on my list for the last two days has been the fact that my social-nephew was chosen for the All-Stars in his city football (7-9 yr olds, I believe) league. I watched him struggle through last year … so to have him become an All-Star this year is PHENOMENAL. I am so very proud of him, and I hope he enjoys the All-Star games!
6. The same nephew has his playoffs for the league championship tonight. And, what is especially great, is that the championships are being played on the football field of my old H.S.  He knows his Mom, Aunt, Uncles, and I all went to that school, so he looks forward to attending one day, and is THRILLED he gets to play on that particular field! Plus, we’re going to have HelenBack pizza afterwards - talk about heaven in a pie!
7. Baby S … who is ALWAYS on my mind - went in for the second part (of three) of her first (of four) post-surgery chemotherapy treatments. Each part of each round weakens her little body more and more. So while she looks absolutely fantastic right now … in a few weeks she’ll look weak and sickly again. It breaks my heart, and I cannot wait til she is healthy and whole again!
8. Family “strife” that recently popped up … I’ll try to put a short synopsis of the story here: My brother (St, 16yrs old) died in 2000. Prior to his death, all of my family (Grandparents Mema & Pepa, Mom/Stepdad, us 3 kids; Uncle S & Aunt B, their 2 kids; Uncle A & Aunt S; Uncle R & Aunt A, 1 kid) were all pretty close. After his death, my sister and I tried to keep up communications between our cousins and ourself. It didn’t work so well - we did not receive replies from our cousins. Our Aunt B has always been a bit of a busy body, and she seemed to put a lot of distance between her immediate family & ours. Then she decided to stop visiting my grandparents too. Now, even when she goes down to South FL to visit her sister, who lives 45 minutes from my parents, she doesn’t bother to call. So, this past weekend, her daughter Steph got married. Steph decided to hold a dedication to my brother as a surprise part of her wedding. My Aunt told me about it, because I couldn’t come to the wedding, and wanted me to keep it a secret. I could not do so in good conscience, because my parents were planning to go to the wedding, and I could not let them be blindsided. I told my sister, who was angry (irrationally so, in some respects), who then told my parents. My parents then decided not to go to the wedding (which upset me - they had already sent their promises to attend). So … now the rift between the two families is even greater …. I emailed my Uncle S, Aunt B, and both my cousins this week to send my congratulations and to tell them I look forward to seeing video and photos of the wedding. My Uncle wrote back … and said that only ONE our family members showed up for the wedding with his wife & child. I am so ashamed of my family … I could not attend due to financial strain … but most of the rest of the family *could* but *did not* attend by choice. This makes me very sad … for my grandparents, my Mom (who I feel is being controlled by my over-bearing, egotistical, racist, domineering, bigot of a stepfather), my Uncles, my Sister, and myself.  I feel like this is irrepairable in some respects, and I do not know how to fix it. Okay, too long of a description, but I’ll leave it here anyway.
9. My coworker was recently arrested for something that was on his record 6 years ago. He was pulled over for a traffic ticket, and suddenly they told him there were warrants out for his arrest from 2002. Now, he has had a ticket or two since then, but none of this came to light before. He was pretty freaked out, and is extremely worried about his wife, who has health problems, and daughter. On the positive side of things, he is very responsible in caring for his family and all the bills are already paid for the month, so they have a little bit of time to recover from this. In the meantime, he’s in jail and there is not anything we can really do to help him right now. That is hard on all of us, because my employer is a small family-run company, and we do treat each other like family. He is like my pesky younger brother who makes it his mission in life to irritate me daily (and succeeds rather well, the lil brat!).
10. My grandparents. I miss them, terribly. I no longer have the financial freedom to visit, and my parents have moved farther south so they do not visit properly anymore either. I hate that my grandparents are all the way in NM, with no family nearby. My friend losing his family member has made it even scarier that I have not been to visit my grandparents in a full year now. My grandfather has had several heart attacks and sundry health problems. My grandmother has had numerous health problems since she was a young woman (brought to light by the 5 stillborn babies/miscarriages she had in her 20’s and 30’s).
11. I have a friend who has had issues with her weight, as well as various other health problems, for as long as I have known her. Granted, we met on message boards, and we have not yet met in person, but I love her dearly. She suffers (I think) from depression of a pretty great magnitude. She has wonderful plans, brilliant ideas, and is always great at STARTING to put them in motion … but she does not quite follow through. Something always comes up that sets her back. On top of her physical and mental health difficulties, she ALSO keeps setting herself up for emotional pain by constantly searching out a mate. She wants a man in her life to make her feel good, happy, strong. The problem is, these men never pan out. She gets emotionally attached rather easily and will spiral down in depression when it does not work out for the relationship. THEN she reverts back to eating, gaining weight … and starting over. I personally think she needs to find happiness within herself before she tries finding anyone to be happy with, but she doesn’t think that will work.
12. My stepfather is sick. He is having stomach problems that cause him to be out of commission for days at a time. This is not like him - he’s a stubborn coot … and when he is sick, he usually plows through it. I am worried. I may not like him, I may be angry at him for the way I grew up … but I still love him, cherish him, and respect him for the good things in him.
13. One thought for myself: I am worried about having a job next week. The economy is bad … if I lose my job, I will be homeless. I am already behind in rent, despite the loan I received from a friend a couple of months ago. I had to fix my car, and then I had to take Tween to the emergency room, and now my rent is unpaid. Another month like this, and I may not have rent to pay. I am seriously freaking out.

And now back to our regularly scheduled program.

xoxo

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