Random Thoughts and Musings

Yesterdays phone calls to the unemployment office got me nowhere. I have a point of contact now, at least. She seems to truly want to help, so maybe I will finally get some answers. I did manage to earn a bag of groceries helping a friend out. The greatest part was that we were doing some work for someone else … and I didn’t go with the intent to come away with some sort of payment … but it was an extra gift I could not turn away.

Someone is on the lookout … and I love feeling the warmth surround me.

More cookie selling today. While we were out, Tween asked me if she could start using my last name. It shocked me that this question came up again. She used to ask me when she was much younger, but it has not come up in several years now.

I personally would LOVE her to take my name. I am proud of my name, where I come from. I would be proud for my daughter to carry on our family name until she marries - or even longer.

However, I worry … will her father be angry? Will he view it as an attack on him? Will his family be upset or offended? Tween loves them all, but she feels disconnected. When they call, they talk to her for less than two minutes, then rush off the phone. WHEN they call. They have gone for months at a time with no contact. I can understand the grandparents, even the aunts/uncles. However, her father??? How can he go so long? Once or twice a month would bring her so much joy … why can’t he set aside that little bit of time? Is it a case of out of sight, out of mind? I don’t know.

I have to think about this letting her use my name. I do not know if the schools will even go along with it … but I guess we can always try.

Another two hours on the phone trying to get my unemployment approved.
No, it did not work.
Yes I am frustrated and sometimes I just want to break down and cry.

Another two friends were laid off today. This economic downslide is weighing so heavily on so many. I really wish things would start to pick up and improve. I worry about how bad things will get before they get better, and I worry about how people will survive without income.

Are you prepared if something happens and you are laid off? I hope so.

xoxo

I wasn’t feeling great yesterday, but went with BFF to P’cola for Baby S’s appointment. Apparently, i was not just tired, I was getting sick. Eeeek! I did not display any symptoms until early early this morning, but I still worry I may have passed something on to Baby S, BFF, or one of the other kids. Luckily, B was at work.
Then again, thinking about it, nephew C was not feeling well last night and today. I bet I caught what he had. Dangit!

Baby S had a treatment today. She is gaining weight finally! WOOT!

Things are really starting to go well for Baby S. I keep hoping this is it … this is going to work the first time, and she will go into remission. If you didn’t see the ping’d photo I sent of her earlier, here it is now:

Isn’t she CUTE?!

Friends rarely (if ever) take vows to uphold promises to one another. We do not need a judge/religious figure to remind us that when one of us is down the other should step up and help pick up the slack. Nor do we need a piece of paper to signify our loyalty to one another.

Sometimes, I wonder why people find marriage so difficult. 

Not that I was a perfect wife, nor did I have a perfect marriage. I do not, however, recall treating my (ex)husband any differently than I do my friends. I did not need a certificate to tell me I loved him. I did not need the certificate of divorce to tell me things would not work out, because our life goals did not match up properly.

I am not sure where this came from … I was just sitting here thinking about C & B, Lil B, lil C, K, and Baby S. Lil C just got over pneumonia, C had a pretty rough couple of days being sick, K has a horrendous cough, and Lil B has what we think is pneumonia. All of these things pose extra risks for Baby S, who is of course still going through chemotherapy.

B takes such fantastic care of C & the kids. I could not have wished a better husband for my BFF, nor a better father for their children. I pitch in and help whenever I can (I am going to Pensacola with C tomorrow, in fact, because Baby S has her chemo/labs and Lil B needs to go to the pediatrician), but in all honesty … if I were not here, they’d be just fine. Because B does what a husband and father should do - he pitches in and helps out. He’s not perfect, he’s not a saint. He has issues (like calling too early in the morning, or repeating the same thing five billion times, or “encouraging” C to get healthy with comments about her weight-which just make her cry later) … but for the most part, he is wonderful. I love him dearly, and I am so grateful he is in their lives. I am grateful he’s in our lives - he is an excellent role model for Tween, who has an absentee father and who sees my (step)father abuse me everytime we’re with him. B is an excellent example of the kind of man I hope Tween finds to spend her life with … eventually. 

Why is it that so many spouses find it hard to be these things to one another? Why must so many people cut each other down and stab each other with insults and force each other to beg for mercy? Why is it that they do not support one another unconditionally, without fail? 

I look around me, at my friendships, and I see the way we unfailingly support one another emotionally, mentally, physically, and sometimes financially. We do what needs to be done when it needs to be done, without requests, without fail. We do it because we love one another and dislike having to see one another suffer. We do it, because it is right.

There are two people who read my blog … two people that I love dearly. Two people who are married to one another. They have both reached out, separately, to help me recently. Both have stopped by to check on me because they recognize the signs of my looming depression. 

While they are both completely supportive of me in my struggle to get back on my feet … they are busy tearing one another down. It makes me sad. It terrifies me. I want it to stop.

I love you. Get past it. Go to counseling. Come here, together, and I will counsel you. Leave your children with me and go on vacation, together, alone. Please. Stop hurting one another.

Suddenly, ALL of my posts between the 13th and today have DISAPPEARED!!

What the HELL is going on here????

****screams in frustration****

This cannot be happening. 

First the computer.

Then the phone.

Phone recovered, missing all data.

Will lose all music on computer.

Is now missing posts on blog.

WHO THE FUCK did I piss off in the UNIVERSE?

Gah.

Grrrr NOW I am starting to get impatient. What is up with the hosting, Mark? C’mon babe … I have great faith in you, but I am trying hard to post daily, and this is throwing a wrench in my plans!

Blog is still down. However, today my Twitterfriend, @ThreeCentStamp, and I were discussing furfriends/pets. It made me think not only of Rascal Lee Kitten, our current fur-family member, but also of our previous fur-family members. Tween and I have had several cats, a few fish, a turtle, and (briefly) a dog over the years. It is always our feline fur-family members who stick in our hearts though.

When we lived in Cali, I broke down and purchased a dog for Tween. She was 3, and used to cry until we went to the doggy window of the petstore in the mall. She would laugh hysterically whenever a dog came near her in the park, or at friends houses. I personally do not like dogs, but was willing to try loving this particular dog, Brutus. He was a sweetheart, and loved Tween so much … he slept by her, he played with her, he loved on her constantly. One day, though, Brutus was suddenly much larger than he thought, and he jumped up to kiss tween. His front paws dug deep scratches into her shoulders, face, and chest. His teeth gashed her cheek. He was not TRYING to hurt her - he was only trying to put his paws on her shoulders and lick her as he had done for the previous six months. Sher wiggling and his still-puppy awkwardness worked against each other, though. After that, Tween was terrified of Brutus, and he was heartbroken. To this day, she has scars on her arm and face … they are pale white lines in her otherwise creamy/brown skin. Luckily she has overcome her fear of dogs for the most part, though.

Unfortunately for Brutus, we had to find him a new home. Fortunately for Brutus, I found a family that loved dogs, and had big, brawny teenage boys to play with him. I visited from time to time over the next year, but then stopped visiting when I knew for sure he was happy and loved.

Blog is still down. Odd, because there are rarely any hiccups with the hositng itself - usually it is my computer that is being uncooperative! I will try again tomorrow.

My blog is down today. Something about the servers. Mark Davidson of Shift Plus One Media is always incredibly responsive, which I love. He said he’ll look into it, so I’m sure I will be back online soon!

So, most of you know that I went to the Boston area for a couple of weeks in December. I had a great time working with my friend and pseudo-boss. I got to kick his butt into gear and boss him around a little bit. WOOT! Talk about me being in my element!!

That is not what I want to talk about today, though. I would like to introduce you to a friend of mine, John Andrews. Some of you know him as @Oyunfound on social sites. He has some amazing photographs that he has posted, and is incredibly talented with the camera.

However, his photographic abilities are not what I want to talk about, either. What I really want to tell you about is the little cafe/bistro he runs in Peabody, Massachusetts. My pseudo-boss and I went there one day for lunch, and spent a little time talking to John and eating. The pseudo-boss, who’s wife is Iranian, got a falafel sandwich - The Ipswich. The thing was huge… and although it wasn’t traditional falafel, he said it was pretty good (and he had plenty to take home for another meal!).

I, on the other hand, couldn’t make up my mind. I looked to John for guidance (he has a little of everything, and I did not really want anything in particular that day, so I was very indecisive). He was making up some butternut ravs with maple-cream sauce, and suggested I try them. As it was a New England-style meal, and a hot meal, and ravioli (yum!), I readily agreed.

The butternut ravs were scrumptious, and the sauce was absolutely divine. I considered ordering more and taking them back to my lodgings with me, but I knew we had plans for pretty much ever remaining meal I would be in the Boston-area for, so I didn’t. I regretted it the very next day *laughs.* Shouldda listened to my stomach!

John, like so many business owners right now, is struggling to keep his dream alive during this economically-challenged time. As such, he has implemented a few new ideas. He has a new website,Simply Gourmet Bistro & Catering, an email newsletter (sign up for it here by entering your info and simply saying, “Sign me up!”), and a “hot buffet” three nights a week: Wed through Friday. You order meals by the pound, and take them home to your family (or to yourself, should you be lucky enough to keep the whole meal to you alone!). You don’t spend any time in the kitchen, but you still get a deliciously cooked meal to share while catching up on each other’s day.

Anyway … those of you that are in the Cambridge/Peabody/etc area … do yourselves (and me!) a favor and stop by for a meal (or ten!). When you do, tell John that Devyl Gyrl (Ok, you can use my real name if you know it!) says hello!

Oh - and report back to me with your findings. I keep seeing things on his menus that make my mouth water … almost makes me want to go back north. When it warms up, I know I will be anxious to make a trip!

Tomorrow, Tuesday the 20th, the specialty will be President Obama’s favorite chilli! Stop in and get some while it is hot and fresh (yanno … all day … just don’t miss it, darnit!).

If my word is not enough to get you out the door and on your way … check out Chris Brogan’s blog post on Simply Gourmet.

Thanks, John, for the delicious meal … my mouth STILL waters when I think of those butternut ravs! Can ya freeze some and ship them down? *grins*

Simply Gourmet’s Twitter page.

xoxo

John and I sometime in December 2008

Where the children and animals all play!

Baby S is home again. She was given tons of IV medications, a transfusion, and fluids. She feels MUCH better now, and is not tossing her cookies every time she feeds.

All is right with the world again.

Thank you for your love and prayers.

xoxo

Last night, C & B were able to go out to dinner alone and have an hour or so to themselves. That was really nice. Baby S managed to keep things down til about 1 a.m., at which point she threw up all over her crib.

C & B brought her into bed with them, although they do not particularly like doing so. She got sick again, I think … but luckily they had put towels down just in case. She woke up in the morning, and was doing well, then as i was laying on the bed holding her while C got dressed so we could take the girls out to sell Girl Scout Cookies … she got sick again. Poor kid.

She seemed okay afterwards, so we gave it another hour, then packed the kids into the van to follow the girls while they sold Girl Scout Cookies door-to-door. We made it through two hours of sales, and then brought all the kids home to make them a quick lunch before going back out. C sat down to nurse Baby S … who then promptly threw up. After allowing her tummy to settle, she nursed again … and again got sick.

C called the doctor to ask if we could give her an extra dose of Zofran (the medication she has been prescribed to counteract the nausea from the Cisplatin treatment she received this week). The doctor was concerned, because C & I had also noticed a slightly elevated temperature (it had not yet reached “fever” level). He asked C to bring Baby S back to the hospital, because he feared dehydration, anemia, or neutropenia. Elevated temperatures and nausea are indicators of all three conditions.

At the very least, Baby S needs to have anti-nausea medications administered through her Percutaneous Intravenous Catheter (PIC line). These medications are stronger than what we can administer at home, by mouth.

Although Baby S was still wetting her diapers and seemed to be fairly happy and content, she will also receive IV fluids, to help rehydrate her. This will help her feel better too, because she will not feel so weak.

If need be, she will also receive another transfusion during this stay. The doctors were trying to hold off on giving her one this week, because she will fairly certainly need one next week after her oncology clinic treatment. (She has two more doses of chemo on this round … next week, and the week after. If all goes well, this will be the last round of chemo.)

Anyway … that is the update.