June Blues (#176/365)
Posted by: Devyl GyrlMuch like March, June is *not* a good month for me, for my family. I try to make the best of the month, because it is my daughter’s birthday month. But all month long, I see the 29th looming down on me. Despite the fact it is also my niece’s birthday, the 29th is the hardest day of the year for me … the anniversary of my brother’s death. (More on that here and here.) It is also my (Step)Mother’s birthday month - just a couple of days prior to Lil Lady’s. While I do get sad on her birthday, it is not nearly as sad for me as Steven’s days.
Funny, how I never see the sadness sneaking up on my until it is full-on depression. Funny how I spend weeks fretting, feeling disturbed, and unable to properly function before I realize what the problem stems down to, *really.*
You would think that in the last 9 years, I would get better at this, or it would get easier. For some reason, I do not think it has. This year, the sadness about my brother is coupled with stress from other things, and anger at not being able to do something I had carefully planned for myself & my health.
I may or may not be mostly absent until after the 4th of July (the anniversary of when we spread his ashes). I am not burying my head in the sand, but I am attempting to minimalize anymore damage I may do to online friendships with people I love and respect. I have already damaged a couple, and it is far easier for me to disappear for a few weeks, and send ping’d photos/messages, than to create anymore drama or damage.
We all know my moods change quickly, and I could be feeling better tomorrow or in a few days. If so, I’ll be back to my social networking. If not, I *will* be back soon.
Those of you who have alternate avenues of communication, feel free to use them. Those of you who wish to contact me, may do so by email: angeleyesw@gmail.com. This is an “alternate” email address, so please do not “correct” it in my comments. 
I hope ALL of you are having a great summer, and enjoying some down-time. It is hotter than hell around here, but we are enjoying it nonetheless.
xoxox
June 25th, 2009 at 1:26 am
Take care, recharge your batteries, and come back only after you are good and ready. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Dave’s last blog post..Austin Texas Mexican Free-tailed bats
June 25th, 2009 at 8:25 am
I love you hon. I should have realized this was part of what was going on with you. If you need me you know how and where to find me. I’ll be checking in with you soon though.
XXOO
NotAMeanGirl’s last blog post..Recipe for the Weekend
June 25th, 2009 at 8:59 am
**Hugs** If you want to talk, you know how to get in touch. Take care.
SociallyDistressed’s last blog post..It Isn’t All in the Head, Is It?
June 25th, 2009 at 10:21 am
Aww sweetie, you know where I am if you need or want to talk also. I will be thinking of you and understand completely. This is how I feel around Easter which is when I lost my grandmother who was like a mother to me. Take the time that you need and do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your feelings. I will be in touch with you of course and thinking of you *hugs tight*
June 25th, 2009 at 10:55 am
Oh sweetheart. HUGS!!! I wish I could help, but I still get upset in May due to my brother.
I can tell you that it gets easier, but the pain doesn’t go away. You just get better at handling it. And this way he is never forgotten.
Love you honey.
Tiny Tyrant’s last blog post..To Explain a Few Things
June 26th, 2009 at 2:52 am
Many Warm, Welcome Ward Hugs for you. They are woefully inadequate, but alas, all I have to offer.
Feel free to hit me up if you need.
Love
Beav’s last blog post..Semi-ABEND
June 28th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Sometimes taking a step back to recharge is a good thing, but if you need an ear to listen, you know where to find me! (((HUGS)))
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