Judgement Day, continued
Posted by: Devyl Gyrl*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Note:
This story is continued from yesterday’s post, Judgment Day. Thanks 
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I stared at my (step)mother, unbelieving. This woman-the most open, accepting, generous woman I had ever known-was upset there might be a non-white child born into our family. I was devastated. Up to this point, I idolized my (step)mother.
I am happy to share she erased racism from her heart and mind soon after this incident. It took another year or so, but she learned the error of her ways. She even chose a predominantly black Church as her place of worship when she accepted Christ back into her life. In fact, when I went to Church with her and my brother … we were the *only* three white folk to be found.
After my (step)mother passed away, my Dad met another really nice lady. I love her, and she absolutely dotes on Dad. It makes me happy to know he has found another woman he clicks so well with, and who is absolutely devoted to him. We were at one of our family dinners (Lil Lady and I used to go over weekly, when we lived back home) one night, and Dad’s new lady was telling us a hilarious story.
Then, she made a comment about having to drive through a certain part of town. My fork stopped halfway to my mouth, I stared at her in shock, glanced over at my Dad, and back to her. She tried to quickly cover it up, and backtrack … but the moment had been ruined for me.
Another racist remark by someone I love and respect … will it never end?? The hardest part of the situation for me is although she’s a very accepting and non-judgmental person, she just did not understand the inappropriateness of referring to that part of town in the same way they did as kids, when segregation was still in effect.
I find that sad, and disheartening. I find it disappointing, and I am embarrassed to admit that there are so many narrow-minded people in the world. I wish more people would understand that just because you do not practice active racism (or reverse racism), it is NOT okay to make racist jokes or use derogatory terms, PERIOD.
I know I am raising my daughter with open-mindedness and love in her heart. She sees people, not colors or religions or some other boundary. She is excited to learn about new cultures, and she appreciates that there are different views in the world.
I am proud of her for keeping these views, despite being the victim of reverse racism in her old school and after-school program. She continued to reach out to the people who judged her, until she eventually developed a few friendships. It helped, of course, when they realized that we attended the same Church, and were accepted by their Preacher as family (as my brother was dating the Preacher’s daughter). *grins*
By the way, my friend Tonya in the last post? She and I are still in touch, too. We don’t talk often, but about 15 years after the last time we saw each other, she researched my name on the internet and found my phone number. She thought I lived on the East coast growing up, and looked for me in Jacksonville.
A twist in the story of her trying to find me: I had not ever lived in Jacksonville before - my family is from south, central Florida. My parents, siblings, and I lived in Tampa and Fort Walton Beach when I was in 3rd-5th grade, and again when I was in 8th grade, until a couple of years after I graduated high school. Ironically, I was stationed there at the time she chose to look me up.
Jacksonville is where she thought I had been living all along, but I had only moved there about a year before she contacted me. I was so excited to hear from her, and I cannot wait til one day I get to meet up with her again. For the last several years, she’s been working as a contractor in Iraq. One day, we’re going to get together and chat it up, just like old times.
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P.S. Don’t forget to stop by and donate a few buckaroos to help my friend Aidan and the rest of Team Taji in their efforts to collect enough school supplies for children to be able to attend the school they are helping to rebuild.
xoox
September 3rd, 2009 at 8:30 am
Sooner or later, we - as a people - will grow out of this. It can’t come too soon for me, though. I am proud to have grown up in my mother’s household, free of this sort of bigotry. Most of the time, it just completely baffles me.
Beav’s last blog post..Travel
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:49 am
@Beav - I know, me too. I don’t know how I escaped the attitude, but I am glad I did. It shames me whenever one of my parents (stepdad/mom) makes a comment that is racist or bigoted or otherwise unhealthy. Unfortunately, I cannot change them … all I can do is keep the trend from continuing through my lineage.
September 3rd, 2009 at 9:53 am
Boy, there’s a lot I could say here. I’m glad you’re bringing this to our attention. I think we all need to be reminded of how pervasive and destructive racisim is.
On a limb with Claudia’s last blog post..The face of insurance denial
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:22 am
Didn’t we prove racism went away when Obama was elected?
Thank you so much for sharing this. People need to be aware. There are many who truly don’t realize that their comments and jokes are hurtful and inappropriate. There are also plenty that know they’re being hurtful and make a point to continue.
I have a racist family as well. I grew up learning a lot about black history and how whites are out to get us. They didn’t discourage me from having white friends though. I do often wonder how they would have reacted if I dated/married a white (or non-black) woman.
As I got older I began to see that there are a lot of selfish people looking out for themselves and will step on anyone in their path. It wasn’t always white people holding me down. Often it was blacks.
Racism is plain and stupid. I’m proud of who am and where I came from but we’re all people. Our histories are to be appreciated and celebrated. I quickly learned that you get what you give. I give people respect because that’s what I want in return. Anyone that disrespects me has a problem.
We teach our kids about the world. We talk about some things that happen in the news and how it effects us and others. We want to give them as much information as we can so they can learn to think critically on their own and make their own decisions. I don’t want my kids to be influenced and caught up with prejudice.
Sorry to hijack your post. I started typing and this all just flooded out.
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:47 am
Claudia - I agree. I get upset when people yell “racism” over shit that happens, because the more they do that, the more others resent the word ‘racism.’
However, I am aware it is present and affecting people all over the world - even in our wonderful country. It saddens me, and makes me want to speak out against it … but in a way that others can relate it to their own lives, rather than in an antagonistic manner.
Vaughn - Thank you for posting! I love that you take an “I’ll respect you, so please respect me in return” stance in your life. I wish more people did. Unfortunately, I have seen many scenarios where someone believes their race entitles them to be handed something. I’m not talking about just white folk, either. The color of one’s skin should not EVER be the deciding factor - whether it works for or against them. Their ability to take the ’something’ and make it better should be the deciding factor. All too often, it doesn’t work this way.
I am not ignorant to the racism that happens around me. I just choose to believe that if **I** do not spread it, and **I** do not focus on it and scream “racism” at the drop of a hat, it will contribute to a better overall society, and influence the people around me to react in like form.
September 3rd, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Isn’t it amazing how it stops you cold to realize that members of your family aren’t as open and accepting of everyone as you are.
I about died the moment I realized my mom and brother were both a bit racist and homophobic. I cannot wrap my mind around that way of thinking. To me, people are people plain and simple.
xoxoxo
perpstu’s last blog post..And I Raaaaan, I Ran So Far Away
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:38 pm
There is nothing more I can add that hasn’t been already well spoken lady - except I love your bravery at daring to speak of that which we often deny. *Salute*
Cylithria’s last blog post..Upgrading, Changing, Evolving
September 4th, 2009 at 6:05 am
My step daughter is bi-racial. For the first four years of her life, she lived in a town in which she was the only person with brown skin. She was never openly looked down upon, to my knowledge. I know that her grandmother and grandfather both used racially charged language prior to her birth, but that her delivery changed their world. She was there angel from the moment they held her.
When she was about three years old, we were in a Walmart and there was an African-American lady shopping. Our daughter ran up to her, held out her arm, and with a huge smile on her face said “you’re brown, just like me!” That was the first inkling that I had that she identified herself as standing out from the rest of us. Evidence since suggests that she’s not terribly interested in that particular difference - it’s just what is.
We are blessed to live in a University Town, and to attend an Elementary school that includes married student housing. There are 500 students attending, and there are 38 languages other than English spoken as a first language by students there. In her class of 25, there are eight kids whose first language is not English. These kids are Asian, Desi, Japanese, Slavic, East European, African, South American… you name it. Kids seem to embrace diversity, if you simply let them. For them, differences in color, language and learning ability are completely natural and part of the fabric of life.
As I am unemployed, and looking for work in other communities, I have some concerns that we will end up either in a place that is homogeneous in its whiteness, and she will be made to feel different, or that we will end up in a place in which her blackness will stand in stark contrast to the whiteness of her parents, and that her peers will make her feel uncomfortable.
Thanks for your story. It’s sad to me that, with all the issues that face us, we still struggle with this one. It’s completely beyond me that, in the 21st century, we cannot permit people to be people, and get on with the business of taking care of each other.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:40 am
Perpstu - It stuns me every time, even though I *know* now. When we go visit, I prepare Lil Lady ahead of time. The whole time we’re there I remind her we cannot change who people are, that she cannot correct her elders, but if she wants to try to have an open discussion with them, I’ll try to help.
Cylithria - **smooch**
Noah Counte - Thank you for sharing! I often worry about my nephews (My brother Levi’s boys are both mulatto children; my friend June Cleaver’s boys are also both mulatto children) and how they perceive *themselves.* I do not much care what anyone else thinks, unless they decide to express that opinion in a way which hurts the people I love.
I hope if and when you move, it will be to a community that is as open and welcoming as the one you’re in now.