Make new friends,
but keep the old.
One is silver,
the other is gold.
Tonight is a perfect example of why I think my friendship with Christy is a true example of soul mates. Early Saturday morning, she woke up with an odd numbness to her face. She felt fine, otherwise, so she didn’t stress it. Later, I noticed that the whole lower half of her face had gone slack and was swollen. It freaked me out a little bit, but I checked her lymph nodes (normal), vision (normal - she met my eyes, didn’t sway, etc), speech (normal), and balance (normal - for her ;)). I suggested she take motrin/advil to help with the swelling, then talk to her husband later in the evening and ask him what could have caused the swelling and numbness.
Fast forward through a crazy day (delivering cookies, cleaning up after kids, Blue & Gold ceremony for Christian, etc) to when Billy meets us at the B/G ceremony. She pulls him aside and tells him what happened, and he gets upset at us because she didn’t go into the ER or mention the symptoms earlier. He’s a medic - works the ambulance and the life flight - so he’s always immediately on top of anything medical. We discuss it a little with him, explain why we didn’t see any reason to treat it as an emergency, and moved on.
A couple of hours later, after we had all gone home, Billy did some research, and Christy mentioned that her cheek/jaw area still felt odd, they called me and we all headed into the ER.
Billy had a rough couple of days (he was just coming off of a 36 hr shift), so he was tired, stressed, and really just wanted to be in bed, sleeping. He was grumpy, moody, and bitching about everything. Not in a mean way … just venting, blowing steam.
Christy and I, on the other hand, had our books out, reading. In between character conversations scene descriptions, we were cracking jokes and antagonizing Billy. We’d set our books aside briefly to interact with him, but mostly we read and made wisecracks.
Despite the fact that we were ALL exhausted, despite the fact that Billy and I were very worried about Christy, and despite the fact that NONE of us wanted to end our day in the ER, it was a GREAT night. We laughed more in that three hours than we did all day long.
That’s right, folks. Christy and I can turn even a hospital trip into a party! THAT is a tride-and-true friendship. A match made in heaven. Soul mates.
I have the greatest best friend in the world.
Oh yeah - Christy is fine. She has a polyp or something in her maxillary something or other, and will need to follow up with an ENT to have it removed/tested. She was given meds tonight, and a prescription to fill tomorrow. Everything else looked good, except she was dehydrated. The surgery won’t be fun, but she’ll make it through. Keep her in your prayers, or send a few positive thoughts her way.
I love when someone shares a quote and it happens to fit my views exactly. My cousin Marianne posted this quote on FB yesterday.
“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”
~Thich Nhat Hanh
I know many of us are facing turmoil in our lives right now. Our choices today affect our chances tomorrow. Choose happiness in your life, daily. Face each morning (or afternoon/evening … whenever YOU awake from slumber) with a smile, a mental hug, and the determination to make TODAY the best day it can be. If something happens to set you off track, do your best to begin again with a new smile, an extra hug, and refreshed determination.
Last week, my sister was informed that her contract would not be honored. She is a teacher, in Georgia. I know she loves what she does, and she’s excited about teaching still. I certainly hope things turn around soon, or something opens up for her.
I am concerned about her, because unlike me, she’s a planner. She likes things to be lined up, ready to go. She has an agenda, and knows her next step. She doesn’t like change to be imposed upon her. I know she’s worried about how things will work out from here. I know she’ll find *something* to do, and I know she’ll throw herself into it full-force, making it the best job in the world.
What scares me the most about this has nothing to do with the actual crisis our economy is facing. I know, firsthand, that the job market is not picking up, that the economic crisis is not yet over. I have faced hardship and struggle unlike anything I could have ever expected. Knowing it firsthand did not concern me nearly as much as watching teachers all over the country being laid off.
Why, you ask? Because our parents always told us if we became teachers our jobs would always be secure. Funny how something so simple can affect a person all the way down to their core. There are times when I love proving my parents wrong. This is *not* one of those times!
My daughter is not perfect, by any means. She has done everything wrong that can be expected of a child her age: she has lied to me, hidden things from me, failed a test or two, neglected homework, and even taken money from me once. She has back talked, she has gotten sassy, used her cell phone past curfew, used her iPod to IM when she knew I could track her cell phone messages, and looked things up online that really aren’t appropriate for her.
However, all in all, I think I have a gem in her. She truly is a great kid, and she does work hard to get good grades, take care of her kitties, and do the things she knows she should be doing. I am one proud momma!
I had to confront her recently about being on her iPod chatting after hours. I had the evidence, but I didn’t confront her with it … I just asked. She admitted to her wrongdoing, then apologized. THEN, I asked her about a couple of messages I had seen from a friend of hers. I worried about the content, because it is proof that she is being faced with decisions that I really hate her having to face.
At least one of her friends has been having sex for at least two years. A few of her classmates have been suspended and/or expelled from school because of drugs. She isn’t sure what kind of drugs, but she knew that it had happened. I asked her about these things and she admitted that it scared her that the kids were doing them, but hasn’t been directly pressured by any of her friends. I let her know that under no circumstances are these scenarios okay with me. I do NOT accept them. If she is faced with something and she is considering doing them, she needs to think about that.
I also made it clear that if she had ANY questions - no matter how embarrassing, no matter how “adult,” no matter how ridiculous they may seem, she can always ask me. I may not think she’s ready for the full gamut, but I’ll do my best to answer her questions in an age-appropriate manner. I would prefer she find out about ANYTHING from me, rather than from someone else.
I am thankful, every day, that my best friend and her husband treat my daughter just like their own. That means even if I am unreachable for some reason, she has at least two other adults she knows she can call under any circumstances. Billy (BFF’s hubby) plays a fatherly role to her, admiring her grades when she does well & being supportive when she’s struggling, helping her practice softball, talking to her about important issues when they come up. I expect it from my best friend … but he really rises to the occasion and goes above and beyond where these things are concerned.
What things have you had to confront your children on? What issues do you think I should approach her with, before she comes to me? Where do you draw the line with your own children?
xoxo
“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away”
This is FLORIDA. We’re known for our mild winters and so-hot-they’re-scorching summers. We held up our bargain and didn’t threaten you during the summer. Why the hell are you torturing us with 20-something degree weather and icy stuff coming from the sky?
You’ve had your fun w/the snow flurries, icy cold mornings, and bitterly cold winds. When I traveled to Boston in Dec 08 for work/play, I was warmer than I am now, sitting in my bed.
… or in this case, down. As in, Baby S is nearly 2 and will soon be moved into her own bedroom! Her bedroom is in the newest part of the house - the garage was renovated into two bedrooms, a laundry room, and a pantry a few years back. This bedroom used to be J’s -Christy’s oldest- but since he spends less time here, he’s agreed that it could be made over into Seralyn’s new room.
So, the red walls have been Kilz’d (and someone should ask Christy how she ended up with WHITE hair instead of blond!), and will soon be painted Tinkerbell green. We’re very excited about the renovation, and cannot wait until little Seralyn has a WHOLE BED to sleep in - instead of kicking Mom & Dad out of THEIR bed so she can spread out!
Tomorrow, the green will go down, and on Saturday we’ll be picking up the pretty purple/lavender for the trim. The room will be de-dragoned and completely Tinkerbelled! **happy dance**
I’m just excited that ONE of the kids will have green, darn it!
What kinds of home improvements have YOU been making lately?
When I lived in Cali, I was dating Adam, who was stationed about 6 hours north of where I lived (we’d previously been stationed together). On our “off” weekends, which were three-day weekends, we’d swap making the drive to see each other. Generally, this meant we saw each other six days out of the month. On one of my trips up north, we drove into “the City” for dinner (this was a fairly typical event for us). We walked around downtown San Francisco for a while, stopping in on a poetry slam, a book reading, a chocolate festival, an art festival, then browsing several bookstores, and finally coming to a Thai restaurant. The scents wafting from inside had drawn us across the busy street, past all of my normal favorites. Once seated, I was unsure of what to order, and decided to try something completely new to me: duck curry. I had not ever eaten duck OR curry, had coconut milk in foods, or tasted bamboo shoots. It seemed like a great place to start!
This particular evening kick-started my love for curries. I have had several versions at different kinds of ethnic restaurants, but nothing has ever come close to that first meal. Even more surprising, it was a *red* curry, which I typically dislike - I far prefer the flavors of green and yellow curries.
Now, when I want a curry fix, I head to the Bangkok House, a restaurant in the next town over.(Unless, of course, I can get Billy to make it for us here… not having to leave my second home is far preferable. ;)) They typically have two or three curries on the buffet at lunch. I have discovered that I do *not* like potatoes in my curry. I like BH’s red curry, because it has coconut milk and is more orange than red. I love that they cut their bamboo shoots into short straws instead of slices. And, most of all, I love the service. While spaghetti is my favorite meal to eat at home … I think curry is my favorite meal to eat out. No matter where you go, it tastes different or has different ingredients. There is always something new to discover.
I need a personal chef who makes me curry once a week at home, just like the curry at Bangkok House. I think life would be pretty damn near perfect!
What is YOUR favorite food to eat out? Do you remember the first time you tried it?
I find myself thinking a lot about the struggles over the last few years, financially and emotionally. I know I am lucky, comparatively. Despite being laid off more than a year ago, I have not ended up on the streets with my daughter. I know I have friends who would NOT let that happen. I know if I was willing to live by rules like I was 13 years old, I could also go home. I could not live with those rules, so I thank God for my friends every day.
I watch my daughter, and I see the young woman she is becoming. She’s more secure, smarter, more beautiful than I was at her age. She still has some insecurities, but she isn’t afraid of taking a step without being told to do so. She and I have a great relationship - she knows I’m Mom first, but she trusts me enough to talk to me about things. Sometimes I have to get them out of her, but often she comes to me with questions or curiosities.
I admire her, often. I compare her to my sister more than I compare her to myself, because I always saw my sister as more put together than I was. My sister is intelligent, beautiful, and always had an elegant way about her. She is a lot more like my mother. I was always the awkward kid. I was always very emotional - overemotional, my dad would call me. I wasn’t free to express my emotions at home, but I could when I was with my friends. At home, I lived my emotions through the books I read. I hid out in my room often, burying myself for hours in a book, live vicariously through the characters, and then reluctantly join the rest of the world again.
I find it rather comforting that while many people blame their parents for how they turn out, there are many MORE people who overcome who their parents were, and become wonderful people themselves. I know I am not the greatest mother, but I also know I am the best mother **I** can be.
I do not regret any of the choices I have made in my life. I think I have made some great ones. I know they are not the choices my family would have liked me to make (and as much as I do not want to care about that, it still hurts that I am a disappointment to them), but I know they were the right choices for myself and my little family of two.
I watch my daughter, and I see the young woman she is becoming. I surge with pride when I realize that *I* helped shape her into that person. I gave birth to this beautiful child, I raised her in a manner that taught her to show compassion and understanding, I gave her the tools to understand decision making, and I taught her what it is to love unconditionally.
And then … and then I realize: all too soon, my little girl will be teaching HER children these things.
If she takes my advice seriously, that will be at least 15 years in the future. But, as a mother, I know I cannot choose her life path for her … she’ll have to make her own way.
Have I given her enough of the right tools? Time to think about what ELSE I can teach her, while she’s still under the protection of my mother-wing.
xoxox
6lbs and 9oz. lookin’ up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I’ve never really done this, now I know what scared is
Sometimes I’ll protect you from everything that’s wrong
Other times I’ll let you just find out on your own
But that’s when you’ll be growin’,
And the whole time I’ll be knowin
CHORUS:
You’re gonna fly with every dream you chase
You’re gonna cry, but know that that’s okay
Sometimes life’s not fair, but if you hang in there
You’re gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You’re gonna be
I’m afraid you’ll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I’ll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin’
‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you’ll have to live with all
the choices that you make
So make sure you’re always givin’ way
more than you’re takin’
CHORUS
Someone’s everything
You’re gonna see
Just what you are to me
You’re gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You’re gonna be
Always loved by me
Selfishness must always be forgiven you know, because there is no hope of a cure.
~Jane Austen
The other night, Rena and I had a “fight.” I spoke, she pouted/whined/spoke back, I got angry at her for acting like a spoiled brat, and then we texted for an hour, working it out (I find it easier to get her to talk when not face-to-face, especially if I am already angry at her and trying not to yell).
It was a silly argument: she has clothes in her closet that she does not wear. Most of these are clothes she has asked for at some point. They are all clothes that are beautiful, and none are clothes that I forced her to choose against her will. I have asked her before to make sure she starts wearing more of her clothes. She tells me things like, “it doesn’t fit anymore,” or “I don’t really like it - I only bought it because I didn’t want to disappoint you.” Uhm, excuse me: it would have fit six months ago if you would have worn it when you asked for it, and I do NOT exert “motherly control” over your wardrobe!
The “fighting” portion of this scenario ended with me ripping (ok, removing with her permission … “ripping” sounds more like what I wanted to do!) the sweater off of her person and throwing it in the garbage to show her what a waste it was for her not to wear it. (It is in the laundry now, folks - I did *not* throw my money away literally! Besides, my niece loves the damn sweater and will be thrilled to wear it!)
Later, in our text discussion, I told her I was angry because I asked her to wear a sweater before it got too small, and she felt like she needed to argue/pout/whine about it. I let her know I did not EVER want to see that behavior again - she knows it angers me, because we’ve discussed it when we have seen other children treating their parents that way. I also let her know I felt like such an attitude was the display of a spoiled, ungrateful child.
My parents did not give me a choice with my own clothing growing up. I always swore I would not treat my own children that way. I have always given Rena choices, and allowed her to express herself however she chooses through her hair and wardrobe. On the other hand, I hate wastefulness. I do not want to be spending what little money we have on something that will go to total waste. It is frustrating and depressing.
I feel like maybe my working so hard to ensure she doesn’t feel deprived has gone too far. I think maybe she is a little spoiled. I’m cooking up a little plan in my head, and I hope to implement it soon. If I do, you know I’ll blog about it! Until then, I am going to remove all the clothes from my daughter’s room that she doesn’t wear. When she ONLY has the choice of the handful of items she wears, I’ll bet she’ll start wanting more options. And when she does, she’ll realize that maybe she needs to listen to me more often and start wearing more of her clothes!
(Thinking on it now, I am realizing the problem is her liking something and wanting to wear it, then realizing her friends probably won’t approve, and chickening out. She’s done that with a few other things before, only with those it was more obvious because she bought items or put together outfits for special days at school - crazy hat day, mismatch day, twins day, etc - then decided at teh last minute not to wear them. I’m obviously going to have to talk to her about peer pressure in relation to even the smallest of decisions.)
This whole scenario represents the lowest of lows in parenting. I shouldn’t have lost my temper - I’m still not sure why it affected me so deeply, although something hormonal is likely, considering the timeline. I do know that while I am not proud of it, and despite the fact that I’ve had a few “friends” on Plurk tell me I’m a shitty mother, I am glad it happened. I’d rather confront her spoiled attitude over something small, rather than have it be displayed over something that truly matters in the scheme of life. At least now I have the opportunity to guide her in another direction!
Feel free to tell me your thoughts in the comments — good and bad.
So often in my life, I am surprised by the love and kindness displayed around me, towards me, and even by me. I grew up in a world where I was taught to believe everyone had a motive, and I should too. I dislike the negative things that make people human, but I choose to believe that there are more good than bad people in the world.
I have been touched by so many people in my life, it is overwhelming. Whether it be a kind word from a stranger in a post I make on a social network, or a bear hug by an old friend, or even a phone call or text message from someone who is thinking of me but with whom I have not spoken in a while, I have found the “good” in thousands of people in my life.
Today is a day that commercially is about who gets the most candy or biggest diamond. It is a day that most people view as being for lovers to profess their emotions.
I am choosing to make it a day to focus on telling people what they mean to me, or how happy they make me. This is not all-inclusive. I could not possibly include everyone who has filled my heart.
For my best friend: I am *not* an easy person to be around. Even when I am not upset, most people think I am snapping or barking orders. She knows me, and (usually) knows the difference between my being upset and my just being me. She’s also the one person who truly knows the lengths I will go for the people I love. She herself has gone beyond most people’s greatest length to support and love me. I think we make a great team, and I love her more than she’ll ever know.
Luckily, her husband is tolerant of our friendship. Over the years, he and I have also developed a friendship outside of “my wife’s best friend” or “my best friend’s husband.” He knows I’ll be there for him, too, and that I do not choose sides when they differ in opinion. He has come to me from time to time, knowing I’ll tell him what I think and not just what I think Christy wants him to hear. I’m glad we were able to come to this place, and I love him dearly. Not only for what he is to my best friend, their children, and my daughter. But also for the person he is, and the friendship we have.
My sister is an incredible woman. I remember when she was young, how ornery and demanding she was. I remember people asking me if I was jealous of her because not only was she beautiful, but she had a great relationship with our parents (unlike me). I also remember that while jealous might have flared up from time to time, it never lasted more than a minute. I loved her too much to be spiteful over anything she had or achieved - I always knew she deserved every bit of it. I was in my 20’s before I realized how much she looked up to me. We were separated a few years by family strife, and when I was welcomed back into my parents’ home, we began to talk again. She would ask my advice and talk to me about what she was thinking, feeling, and doing. I loved those late nights, snuggled up in her big bed, laying awake way past when our parents would approve, whispering so as not to get caught. I was already a mother, and we had lost our brother. We are so completely different, and yet fundamentally the same. I love when I find a similarity, because it renews my knowledge that we are sisters, despite my feeling so removed from her. I may be *much* older than her, but I will forever look up to her. She is the woman I know our parents intended both of us to be, but she accepts me for who I am even though she may not approve of the choices I make.
Friends who stick around. I made a friend when I was stationed in Jacksonville who has taught me a lot about myself, about life, and about how much I truly enjoy life. He and his family brought things out in me that I didn’t know existed. I love that even when I can only show up at midnight and stay until morning, they welcome me home. We stay up and talk, and then I wake in the morning to continue on my way and stop in the next time I’m in town. If I had traveling money, they’d be first on my list for a weekend trip with Lil Lady. We love visiting with them, and we love that they are just as much family as my BFF & her family.
My daughter, who I love with every fiber of my being, brings out the best and worst in me. She challenges me and forces me to rise to the occasion, all without realizing she’s even doing so. She brings sunshine into my life and reminds me why I choose a life of struggle over one of financial ease. I was always told, “One day you’ll have a child and you’ll understand.” I *do* have a child, but I *do not* understand. I am thrilled to know that I had the where-with-all to “break the cycle” and do things differently. Mostly, I am grateful to be her mother.
My “social network” friends, who are as friends as friends can be. They may not be physically close, but they are just as much a part of my life and my heart as they would be if they lived next door. They challenge me, inspire me, support me, and love me. They are kind, loving, generous, opinionated, funny, sarcastic, open-minded, accepting, and beautiful. I have had the great pleasure of meeting a few of them in person, and have not once been disappointed in what I find once we’re face-to-face. I can be myself with them, and not worry about being judged. I know that if they did not *want* to be on the other side of that window/page/timeline, all they have to do is click “remove” or “delete.” I know we are connected not by accident, but by choice. I love them for the quality they bring to my life, quirks and quills alike.
I was blessed with more than two parents. I have not always viewed it as a blessing, but even as a child, I usually knew I was lucky. I love each of my parents for who they are and what they bring to my life. They are all unique, and have different methods of communication and parenting. Each of them formed me into the person I am today, and I am grateful for their love and guidance. They are all beautiful people - complete with faults. What I consider my greatest gift is being able to see the intent behind their actions and love them even more.
I have been reconnecting with a few friends from my past lately. I’m really enjoying this, especially the few fun night’s I’ve had with one in particular. One of those nights, we went through old photos from high school and relived those memories. The laughter was beautiful, and the stories we each remembered were touching. I love that someone I chose to love way back when is someone I can still love today. Time holds no barriers: this is the test of true friendship, IMO.
The last person I will specify doesn’t read this blog. He barely knows I exist anymore. However, I love him with my whole heart and I wish things could have been different. I needed something from him … and he needed something from me … and both of us needed it before we could make the move we wanted to make. It is much more complex than that, but the fact is: I love him, and would have given the world for him, if he could have only told me he loved me. We still talk now and then, via text. I love those short conversations. Maybe there will be another chance in the future. If not, anyone else in my life has a lot to measure up to …
Thank you all for helping to make my life one that I love!!
So, my BFF, the kids, and my friend Kristine got their wish: it snowed in NW FL. Unfortunately, Kristine was at work in a part of the area that did *not* get snow (sorry honey), but I took a few pictures of the moist white stuff that floated down from the sky.
No, it isn’t anything spectacular compared to an area that sees real snow. Keep in mind - it is only blog-worthy because it only happens a time or two each decade. The last time I remember seeing snow here was in 1990, but it was a very light dusting, didn’t even float all the way to the ground. However, in 1989, when I first moved back from England, we had a light snow very similar to today’s.
Click HERE to see what our excitement was all about.
(For the record, I was *not* excited … but it turned out to be a very light snow, and stuck around even less time than I feared, so I was quite comfortable.)
Mom would smack me if she knew I was outside in bare feet, a strappy tank top, and a skirt. LOL No, not even SNOW can make this FL gyrl put on more clothes!
So, some of you may be wondering how Baby S is, and if things have been going well.
The answer is a resounding YES! She’s been in remission for one year, now. This is not an all-clear. It has to be 5 years to be considered a “permanent” state. I think it may even be longer for the type of cancer Baby S had, but I’ll consider 5 years a definite goalpost for now.
The rest of the family is doing well, too. Some of you know Lil C (Christian) went in for surgery last week to have shunts placed in his maxillary glands, and to have his adenoids removed. The surgery went well, as did his recovery. He got a stiff neck after a couple of days when he was playing, but the doctor said that is because his muscles are still adjusting. His follow up appointment is next week. So far, so good!
Even better is the news BFF got during the parent/teacher conference she had last week. Apparently, he’s in the highest group of readers in his class, and reads ALL the time at school. They’d like to have him tested for the gifted program. WOOT! Even if he doesn’t make it, we’re still super-duper proud of him!
Lil K (Kaitlyn) Is growing up and getting SASSY. She’s turning into a monster again. She is one of the best behaved children I know, when she WANTS to behave. The problem is, she’s starting to test her waters again. And she’s got that typical redhead stubborn streak! *grins* She’s very interest in “homework” lately, and has been doing the letters and matchups that her Mom has been giving her every day. She’s a smart cookie, but refuses to try unless she’s interested at that particular moment. Hopefully this interest lasts!
Lil B (Brooke) is doing well in school, though not as well as we think she CAN do. She’s also busy with softball and girl scouts. Recently she’s developed friendships with a new group of girls, so sleepovers have ensued! BFF made them a “Best Friends” cake for the one she hosted for the girls. They all had a blast doing makeovers and watching movies!
Anyway … that’s the quick catch-up on BFF & her family.
We can never thank all of you enough for your love and support (of EVERY kind) during Baby S’s chemotherapy. The strength we garnered from the outpouring of love from all over enabled us all to be stronger for Baby S and for the other children. My personal friendship with you all enabled ME to be stronger for my best friend and her family, and to not only take care of my own daughter, but to help take care of all of them too.
It has been a very long time since I entered these doors. The cobwebs were so thick, I had to hire a contractor to clean them out, for fear of the monster spiders I’d find inside!
I do not know how regularly I will be updating now, but I *will* try to come in more often than once every six months!
What better way to start my blog back up than to laugh at the hilarity of Doppelganger nonsense? I went to My Heritage after following a link from my friend @germaine, and went through the process. Most were awful and sad, and I will NOT share them because it is just embarrassing. Apparently, I am so fat I look like a man. That was … sickening, actually.
I chose to share these instead (yes, these are also recent photos of me):
