Thanks, friends!
Posted by: Devyl GyrlYesterday was an emotional day for me. I apparently portrayed myself as a crazy person. Honestly, I don’t care what anyone thinks about how I raise my daughter. She’s MY daughter. I get to make the choices, and as long her HER FATHER approves of how I am raising her, I am comfortable with the choices I make.
That said, the comments you can view on yesterday’s post are the ones that came from people who weren’t spending their time ridiculing me and telling me that I am twisting my daughter’s mind and trying to make her a clone of myself. If any of the people who think I’m trying to clone myself knew my daughter, they’d know I would have to give that up as a lost cause immediately, because she’s far more like my sister - which is a good thing. I love that my daughter is independent and yet still trusts me. I raised her that way intentionally. I’m independent, but don’t necessarily trust my parents. It is a sad way to live, but one born of necessity.
I also received emails, text messages, twitter-and-plurk responses, and private messages on FB. I loved most of the responses, and enjoyed the viewpoints all of you shared (as long as you weren’t attacking me - those I ignored).
I honestly don’t “restrict” much of what she sees when she’s WITH me, because I like her being exposed in my presence, so if she has questions or concerns, she can get the answers directly from me. I realized a long time ago that if I planned on letting her have a life, she was going to be exposed to things I thought were too “old” for her, whether I wanted her to be or not. There were certain “kids” movies that I preferred she wait til she was 5 or 6 to see, but she was watching them at her friends’ houses at 3 years old. I didn’t want to introduce horror and creepy sci-fi movies into her life until she was 8 or 9, but my (step)Dad had her addicted to them when she was 5 years old.
She heard White & Nerdy before she heard the original, and it cracked her up. When I told her it was a parody, she asked what that meant, so I showed her a couple of parodies he had done when I was in high school. She enjoyed them, and they made her laugh, so she’s definitely more interested.
What worries me about some of that music is 1) she’s hearing it AWAY from me, so I cannot impart my concerns as she’s being exposed and 2) I do not necessarily think she needs to OWN it just because she’s heard it elsewhere. She spends more time under my or my BFF’s care than any other, so as long as she’s listening to “approved” music during those times, she’s being influenced by positivity more often than not.
We’re all exposed to things that we don’t necessarily think are “good.” We can’t control the world. My only intent is to increase her awareness, surround her more with beauty than destruction, and give her a chance in life to appreciate things that have meaning and spread joy, rather than cause pain and are filled with nonsense.
xoxo
May 23rd, 2010 at 1:22 pm
I’m glad you got some help. Personally, I think she’s getting to an age where what’s important is that she talks about her experience with these things not restriction from the thing itself. You’ve done a good job. At some point, your need to protect will make her feel like you don’t trust her. (Which I know is not the case.)
Good luck. It’s a very hard line to walk.
On a limb with Claudia’s last blog post..Unconscious Mutterings : Week 382
May 23rd, 2010 at 1:23 pm
You’re a good mom!
May 23rd, 2010 at 1:35 pm
I think your last paragraph sums up why you are a fantastic mom!
David’s last blog post..PFR 109: Fiber One Frosted Mini Wheats Cereal
May 23rd, 2010 at 2:06 pm
well… I missed something… only focus on the positive. Drives me crazy when people think they know better or ridicule.
I have another pet peeve in regard to this… but this is not the venue for that
you raise your daughter as you seem fit. and as for raising a mini-me… that’s not so bad. you just love her and want to protect her. keep it up!
May 23rd, 2010 at 5:43 pm
So since I am around both of you on a daily basis, I get to see close up what kind of mother you are. I think you are wonderful with M and all of the decisions (whether I agree with them or not) are always in her best interest. M is a self assured, polite, respectful, honest (mostly ;)), intelligent, well behaved, and very well rounded. You don’t need any comments really to let you know how you’re doing, just looking at what a beautiful, amazing young woman your daughter is growing into tells you the kind of job you did. Love both of you lots!!!xoxo
May 26th, 2010 at 3:22 pm
I want to reiterate what Claudia said, she is getting to the age where you should (and I think are) guiding/parenting with broader and broader strokes. At her age, it is far easier to instill a “this is good” message than a “that is bad” one. In other words, I’d focus on putting positive messages in front of her that can work their way in and around the less positive ones.
Everything I know about you testifies that you are a great parent. Because of that it is very likely that she will look to music and her friends etc. for fun… but to you for guidance in building her foundation.
As long as you keep up the good work of providing her solid “planks” for her life’s “platform,” she will be in great shape no matter what external influences she comes across.
In short… keep up the good work