I am very lucky when it comes to my daughter. I look around at other children, at the things that people say about their children, at the struggles people go through with their children … and I KNOW I am lucky. She rarely causes any trouble. We go through a few struggles every year, which I generally feel are completely normal for her age. 95% of the time, though? She’s an angel, truly.
Lil Lady has ALWAYS loved school. ALWAYS.
When Lil Lady was a baby - only about 6 months old - her father and I had to sign her up for her first daycare. I refused to use the on-base daycare at the base I was stationed at in New Jersey, so we found a lovely home-care daycare. The daycare provider was a Filipino lady (we’ll call her “Nan”), who’s husband worked at a different command than I. His work schedule started much earlier than mine, so I would often find him home when I came to pick up my precious girl. Nine times out of ten, someone was holding her - she was a cherubic little thing with wild, curly hair and porcelain skin. I was pleased to have found a family (the provider’s four children were 17, 13, 7, 3) who loved Lil Lady nearly as much as her father and I. What I also found was that having a very traditional Filipino “Ma” take care of her meant she received the benefit of home-schooling. By the time she was 8 months old, Lil Lady’s vocabulary exceeded most 15-20 month old children.
The first educational program she entered was a half-day program for 3 year olds on base in California. My command at this base was great about letting me run home 3 days a week to pick her up and drop her off at school, then run out again at lunchtime to take her back home (or to daycare, depending on whether I had a live-in helper or not). She LOVED this ’school’ and would cry on the two days a week she did not get to attend. She already knew how to write her full name, recite her address and phone number, sing her alphabet (and form most of the letters), name her colors, and count to 20 before she entered the program. By the end of the summer program, she could write all of her letters, write her numbers up to 20, sound out 1, 2, and 3-letter words, and write “I love you Mom.”
We transferred to Florida, I bought a house, and I enrolled her in a Christian school that ran a 4-year old Kindergarten program. I did not want her in a half-day preschool, because she was already advanced and I did not want her repeating herself. She was so excited to go to school every day, she woke up at 5 a.m. She would bounce into the before-school group (they met in the lunchroom - being in the Navy, I was rarely able to actually take her into class) with a huge smile on her face, smile her way through class, and come home full of sweetness. See:

How adorable is she???
I was worried that when she went to public school Kindergarten (I couldn’t barely afford the year of private school she had … there was no way I could continue that struggle through elementary school, no matter how much I wanted to keep her there), she would not enjoy class as much. I worried needlessly. No matter how much I did *not* like her teachers throughout the year, she loved them. She bonded with each and every one of them, and had the greatest relationships with the classroom helpers, too. I was blessed to have a friend who could attend her school events (again, I was rarely able to get there), so she always had someone there to celebrate her accomplishments. I celebrated again when we got home, and she could tell me all about everything she had done.
Through the years, Lil Lady loved going to school. Even on the days she was ill, by noon she would wake up from resting and say, “I am ready for school now, Mommy!” It was hard explaining to her that even if she *felt* better, she still had to stay home the rest of the day, just in case.
We moved a few more times - to NW Florida, then to Central FL, then to South-central FL. Each time, Lil Lady immediately fell in step with her classmates, made friends easily, and excelled at school. She did not always get perfect marks, but she worked her butt off, asked questions, and had great report cards.
When Lil Lady was in 3rd grade, things changed a little bit. She had been an excellent student - always at the front of class, always at the top of the grading scale. Then, we had Hurricane Charley, and our home and town were devastated. She had been doing really well at her school (she attended a year-round school), and was making strides in division and multiplication, which she had been struggling with for a little while. The hurricane had destroyed her school, and it was unable to reopen. However, the other school in town - just a couple of miles away - was brand-spanking-new, and was able to be quickly repaired and re-opened. They had made the classrooms in this school extra-large, so there was actually enough room to put one class from Lil Lady’s school into an equal class of the newer school. The teachers from Lil Lady’s school and the teachers from the newer school worked hand-in-hand in the classrooms. After about a month without any school, the children all began attending class in town. We though this was great - two teachers in each classroom! No out-door, temporary classrooms in a huge field! What a great plan! (There were *some* temporary classrooms at the elementary school, but not many; there were mostly temporary classrooms in all of the other schools.)
Unfortunately, the new school’s method of teaching was just different enough that Lil Lady again began to struggle. She was not able to get the same teachers as in her old school, because not all of them returned to teaching (some had completely lost their homes, some were just scared by the several hurricanes that blew through in the weeks after Charley and took off for greener pastures). She was still excited, however, and anxious to get back to school. The year-round schools had implemented ‘classroom changing’ for different subjects at a 3rd-grade level. I loved this, because I did not want middle school to be a shock to Lil Lady and her classmates.
Suddenly, about two months into the school year, Lil Lady became sullen and angry when returning home from school. She was miserable, her grades were dropping to just above average, and she cried when she had to go to school in the mornings. I had no idea what was going on, and I tried talking to her about it … but, admittedly, I was distracted. My (step)mother’s cancer was raging full-blast through her body, despite the months of chemotherapy and radiation. Our home (we had moved in with my Dad & (step)Mom in May 2004 when my (step)mother had been diagnosed as terminal, with one year to live) was in a shambles, our entire town was struggling, and finding work and a small apartment for Lil Lady and I was proving to be nearly impossible. We tried to make things as easy for Lil Lady as possible, and we all pitched in to try and help when she was struggling with something in particular. My conferences with her teachers were frustrating, to say the least: I was informed that as a non-teacher, they couldn’t tell me how to help her at home, because I just needed to trust them to do their job at school. I was also informed I did not have the education to be able to instruct her. The reason for these insults? I kept asking the teachers to show me how they wanted her to learn certain subjects, since she was not understanding their methods at school. I also asked for copies of math workbooks so I could go over the lessons with Lil Lady and try to find new methods to work out the problems.
I am not an educator, so I do not know why they reacted the way they did. I do know that I went to them one more time for help (Lil Lady made her first “D” - completely unacceptable, since she brought home no paperwork to indicate her grades were falling from her previous “B” level), then I called the counselor - who arranged yet another conference. They all assured me they were making progress with Lil Lady, and asked me to be patient. I had previously tried to help her by showing her different methods of working problems out, teaching her rhymes to remember the order of things, etc. She was yelled at in class for using these tools. I WAS FURIOUS. I called the principal, raised hell, and had ANOTHER conference. FINALLY, I received results: Lil Lady was assigned a tutor (why did it take MONTHS for this to happen?), who worked with her for an hour after school a couple of times a week. One month later, she had improved drastically. All she needed was a little one-on-one attention, and for someone to listen to her questions and explain what she wasn’t understanding.
In the midst of her educational turmoil, I went back to work. Shortly after, my (step)mother passed away. Shortly after that, we moved into an apartment. Shortly after *that,* my Aunt was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Too many changes, too much stress … and it was taking a toll. Her teachers, instead of giving her a few private moments when she broke down crying because she was sad a couple of days after my (step)mother died, sent her to the principal’s office because she could not stop the tears from flowing (she wasn’t even crying loudly… the tears were just rolling out of her eyes). This happened every time she got upset … and I was livid. I understand they had 20 other kids to take care of - that is part of being a teacher. But seriously, they can’t have a LITTLE compassion for the situation?
I digress. From that point on, Lil Lady struggled with school. We worked with her at home after school and on weekends. I refused to be like my parents: expressing anger at less-than-perfect grades, punishing with belts or extra chores or restriction. Instead, I tried to keep the pressure low-but-firm. I began to think about moving, to get her away from this particular school system. I firmly believed that the methods of teaching were complicating things for her, and I was positive if I could get her back to NW Florida, she would begin to excel again.
In 2007, while Lil Lady was in the 5th grade still, we finally moved. Within a MONTH, she loved school again. Not only did she finally catch up to where we hoped she would be, she began excelling again. She was taken out of the intermediate reading class and put in the regular reading class. Then, she was moved up to advanced. Her writing was still average, but her reading/retainment was definitely back on track. By the time she started 6th grade later that year, she was entered into advanced classes at the middle school. *Sigh of relief.*
Earlier this year, we moved from one town to the next. With this move, Lil Lady had to move out of her beloved middle school (the same one I attended), and into the one local to us. This was a big change, for two reasons. 1) The set-up of the school was completely different and 2) the methods of teaching are slightly different. She seemed to do well with *most* of her classes, but she started having difficulty with her math classes again. She did not get to the point of being fully frustrated, but she did start feeling less excited about going to school. I began to worry, and struggled to find a way to help her. I also struggled with finding a way to communicate with her teachers, who seemed to be bogged down and tired. I set appointments, met with them … but was rushed through a five-or-ten minute conversation, rather than being able to sit down and actually discuss the situation. I tried email, but did not receive responses. Things were *not* looking good.
This year, starting Monday, Lil Lady will be attending the brand-spankin’-new middle school. Some of her classmates from the last few months of last year will be with her, but others will have come from one of the other local middle schools. We have toured the school twice now - once about two weeks ago, when they opened the new elementary and middle schools to the whole town for touring; the second tonight.
Lil Lady picked up her schedule, met all of her teachers, and picked up her supply list. It turns out that her Spanish teacher - the one she liked most - is also her homeroom teacher. WOOT! She doesn’t have to have P.E. this year - instead, she’s taking Spanish for high school credit! She is also in advanced Language Arts 3, advanced US History, advanced Comprehensive Science 3, (regular) Math 3, and Chorus. I wish I was still in touch with her teachers from the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade … the ones who told me she was “just not smart” and would “always struggle with comprehension” and would “never excel.” FUCK YOU, assholes. My daughter may not be brilliant, she may not be a genius, she may struggle with things … but she works her ass off in school. She sits in the front of her classes, asks questions, takes notes, and participates often. Every one of her teachers, since we moved back to NW FL (and before Hurricane Charley), has kept in touch with her after she left their classes. Tell me, is this the mark of a failure? I think not.
I am excited for this school year. I am also nervous. We are entering territories of Math that I find myself struggling to understand. I breezed through it when I was in school, but in the last 2-3 years when I have tried to revisit these equations and graphs, I get flustered and angry and frustrated beyond belief. Hopefully, this new school will have a ‘tutoring’ program of sorts, and hopefully I’ll be able to find a way to get Lil Lady back and forth to participate.
Better yet, Lil Lady is excited about this school year. She enjoyed meeting all of her teachers, she liked the setup of the classrooms, and she *really* enjoyed meeting her math teacher. He was very positive when we spoke to him about her struggles, and spent a little time with her, discussing what he expects and how he’ll help her. Woot!
Definitely an improvement. The middle school she attended last year was over-crowded. It is easy for a quiet child to get lost in the storm. Here, they seem to have things under control again. Back to smaller class sizes and open-communication teachers. DOUBLE WOOT!
*whew*
I was really just coming her to talk about orientation tonight … I have no idea where the rest of this came from, but good golly!
xoxo
BTW - anyone who caught that link up there and viewed it … those were pictures of my (step)Mom & Dad’s home … the ones on the left taken a half-hour before the hurricane, the ones on the right taken within half-hour after the hurricane. Insanity, I tell you! I wish I had gotten pictures of the town and our neighbors houses. We really, truly thought the hurricane was going to pass us by, though. It was *supposed* to make landfall in Tampa, not Charlotte county! By the time they changed landfall to our area, it was too late to do anything but prepare our immediate home and pray, since we live too far south to have any hope of getting out of the state and/or the hurricane path.