I find myself being a follower when it comes to questions and answers, so I have jumped on the “Interview Me” bandwagon. The trend was started by Immortal Matriarch, who was interrogated by Avitable (apparently twice). (O.k., maybe it started with Avitable? I dunno. We’ll go with my story for now.) Anyway, Immortal Matriarch interrogated my favorite sugar mama, over at Fear And Parenting in Las Vegas (she makes divine chocolates!), who forced dragged invited all of her readers me to join in on the fun.

So, here are the questions that my personal chocolatier friend FandPinLV came up with for me:

1. Why did you start your blog in the first place?
I have attempted blogging before, but had not made it past three entries on any of those previous attempts! As I explained when I first began Random Thoughts and Musings, a classmate dragged me to Twitter one day, and I was eventually sucked in by the awesome people there. After a few months of them asking me where my blog was, I gave in and started one. A few months after that, Mark Davidson offered to put me on my own domain, so I moved here, and the rest … as they say … is history (being made).
2. It appears that you have bonded, in some cases quite deeply, with some people online. Do you find it easier to open up to people you’ve never met in person or people who you’ve met?
My childhood was … interesting. As such, I am what I consider to be an anti-social person. I do not care what anyone thinks of me, but I fear outright rejection. It is a complicated state to be in, so it is even harder to explain. I am who I am, and I expect people to accept me or walk away: I will not change for anyone but myself. When I meet rejection, it does not really bother me. However, I fear the rejection anyway. Ok, this is not making sense even to me, so I will just leave it alone now.
Anyway. Online, I do not have to *see* the reactions people have towards me. I do not have to read it in their eyes, witness their body language, or hear the inflection in their voices. I can move around my world, completely oblivious to anyone else, for as long as I want. I never rarely put in a “friend request” to someone … I let them come to me. When I do bond with people, however, it is for the long term. I do not move whimsically in and out of friendships. An online relationship is just as important to me as one I have built face-to-face, because the person is still real, and I expect people to be just as honest with me as I am with them. When I find out differently, I simply walk away. Vengeance and grudges are for someone else. I prefer happiness and joy.

3. You have to be one of the most unselfish and thoughtful people I’ve ever met. While I think you’re fabulous, the glare of your halo is getting a bit blinding. So, what’s the most selfish thing you’ve ever done?
I am not unselfish. I am quite greedy, in fact. I do, however, like to share whatever I acquire. This is a matter of choosing happiness, and has nothing to do with being unselfish. Sharing brings happiness to others, and their happiness increases my happiness, so sharing is, in fact, a very selfish thing for me to do.
One thing I have done that is very specifically selfish is going to Jamaica with friends. I have done it twice - in 2006, and in 2007. I will be going again in 2009. Going to Boston for a working vacation was NOT satisfactory to my “recharge” and I will not make the mistake of skipping this few days of complete and total bliss. This is not a trip my Tween will ever make with me, as much as she wants to go to Jamaica. This is MY TIME. My completely, totally, selfish time to be a woman … a single woman … and not a mother. It sounds horrible even to me, but I will not give it up anytime I have the option of going.

4. You lost your job in 2008. That sucked. No doubts there. If income, location, education, and other restraints were removed, what career would you pursue?
I would love to be part of a nonprofit of some sort. I want to do something that helps people in a big way. I want to be a part of something far bigger than me. I would love to work an administrative job for a nonprofit, then go on missions with said nonprofit to less-than-wealthy places and work for a couple of weeks every year. Even a couple of months out of the year. Hell, even half the year. Maybe more. I am pretty selfish though, and I like to be pampered with things like massages and manicures and pedicures and soft curly hair and smooth skin and white sandy beaches and pretty clothes and jewelry (although I do go costume, not expensive) and tv and movies and nifty electronics and sweet appliances like the french door refrigerator. I would like to say I could live in Asia or Africa or China and be a full-time mission, but I do not think that would be truthful. I *could* do a rotation of one month there and one month home, one month there, one month home, etc …

5. So, I may be coming to Florida sometime in 2009 or 2010. What would we do if I showed up on your doorstep?
Hit the beach, chick! We have the BEST beaches in the US right here! Soft white sandy beaches, emerald green waters that allow you to see the bottom even in deep areas, sunshine, warm weather … Oh, and we would go to HelenBack for a pizza lunch, then go back to the beach. We could bring our own cocktails, relax … enjoy the day talking and watching the children splash in the water. Then, Tween could watch yours at home so that us adults could go to AJ’s for cocktails … then go back to the beach. For dinner we’d go to McGuire’s Irish Pub (there is one in Destin now) for a steak dinner. Yes, then go back to the beach. I am sure if you wanted to do something else, we could plan a perfectly reasonable day … but why? The beach here is an example of Mother Nature’s perfection!

Thanks for the questions, darlin! I always enjoy answering questions, although I am not ever quite sure what I will answer. Sometimes, the answer simply depends on what kind of mood I am in at the moment!

Well, Ramblers and Thinkers and Musers … do you want to play along? If so, here are

The Rules….

1. Leave me a comment saying, “Interview me.”
2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. I get to pick the questions.
3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions.
4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview someone else in the same post.
5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

I found this meme on Miss Attitude’s blog, and she found it on Reassigned Time.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Discovered a tumor on Baby S. The fear that set in immediately was almost overpowering, my vision went black, my head was spinning, and I kept seeing bright flashes of light. I had to clench my jaw, take a deep breath, and sing to Baby S to bring myself out of it before I passed out while holding her.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year?
I do not typically make resolutions, because I try to be the best person I can be EVERY day.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
My best friend, and my social-brother’s fiancée.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
A friend of the family was murdered.

5. What countries did you visit?
None this year. Hopefully in 2009.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Financial stability.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
May 20th, the day Baby S was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
The discovery of wonder and joy.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I do not have failures. Only lessons.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
In February, I came down with the flu for a full week, then bronchitis for two weeks, then some crud for a fourth week. It was awful. I could not afford to go to the hospital, so I lay in bed feeling like I was dying. I do not recommend being this sick to ANYONE, EVER.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A whole van full of groceries and supplies and necessities for a local women’s shelter, and a car full of canned goods for my Church pantry.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My best friend and her husband … they have handled the three near-deaths of Baby S with aplomb each time it has happened, and even the many other emergencies have been handled with strength and grace, and not freak-outs and misery. I love them.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
My stepfather and mother, for once again displaying the increase in bigotry, prejudice, and hatred in their hearts as they age.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Rent.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Finding ways to help others, as inspired by my own heart first, Soren second, and many others thereafter.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
Don’t Blink by Kenny Chesney … because for the third time in the last 10 years, I was reminded of my mortality and the mortality of those around me, and with Baby S’s struggle, I reaffirmed my personal goal to live and love in each day to the best of my ability.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?
a) happier because I am home with the family I choose as my own and sadder because I miss my family
b) thinner by only a few pounds, but that few pounds is a start to a long journey I am sure
c) richer in love but poorer financially

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Traveling to see family.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Sleeping in the hospital - although I will do more of it as needed, because I would rather be there than not be there. Does that even make sense? I hope so.

20. How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent the morning at home with my friends/roommates & their kids; I spent the afternoon w/my best friend & her family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?
No.

22. How many one-night stands?
None!

23. What was your favorite TV program?
I do not seem to have a favorite anymore, as I pay less attention to them and more to my social sites *L*.

24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is such a negative word … I really try not to say it or practice the feeling.

25. What was the best book you read?
“The Raccoon” by C.A.W. (my 6-yr old social-nephew wrote it ).

26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
My 3-yr old niece, K.

27. What did you want and get?
I hoped “P” would contact me again … and he finally did. It has been with random, short, minute texts … but at least we are talking. The butterflies and light-headedness set in every time I receive a text, and that scares me. I should not be this affected by someone who I told to go away in a fit of anger and he actually listened. I have so many questions for him, about his life in the last year, but am afraid to ask for fear of scaring him away again.

However, I would rather be talking than not. He is too important to me, whether we are dating or not.

28. What did you want and not get?
A bill of perfect health for Baby S.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
I rarely have favorite films, because I do not watch them often.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
Went to Chili’s with both my friend A and my BFF (who are sisters, and feuding) and all our children and had ribs. Received thoughtful gifts from both of them that made me realize they do appreciate me.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Seeing my family.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
Browns … with oranges, certain shades of blue, and greens.

33. What kept you sane?
The love and companionship of my friends and family.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Will Smith? Matthew McConaughey? I think those are the ones I mentioned more than once .. but honestly … everyday people catch my fancy more than public figures.

35. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election.

36. Who did you miss?
Him. Her. Him. My grandparents, my family in general.

37. Who was the best new person you met?
I cannot choose one. There were several Twitter people that I met and instantly stalked adored.When I moved over to Plurk, there were many more I met and began hunting down getting to know. I speak to most of them daily by IM/text/Plurk/Twitter, so they should know who they are.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.
Choosing happiness is not enough. My new motto has changed from “Choose Happiness” to “Find the Joy.” I hope to find the joy in many of the things I do from now on.

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
How about a few of them … because the story in the song is what brings the meaning:

I turned on the evening news
Saw an old man being interviewed
Turning a hundred and two today

Asked him what’s the secret to life?
He looked up from his old pipe
Laughed and said, “All I can say is

Chorus:
Don’t blink, ’cause just like that you’re six years old
And you take a nap
And you wake up and you’re twenty-five
And your high school sweetheart becomes your wife

Don’t blink, you just might miss
Your babies growing like mine did
Turning into moms and dads
Next thing you know your better half

Of fifty years is there in bed
And you’re praying God takes you instead
Trust me friend a hundred years
Goes faster than you think, so don’t blink

I was glued to my TV, went it looked
Like he looked at me and said
“Best start putting first things first”

‘Cause when your hourglass runs out of sand
You can’t flip it over and start again
take every breath God gives you for what it’s worth

(Repeat Chorus here)

So I’ve been tryin to slow it down
I’ve been trying to take it in
In this ‘here today, gone tomorrow’ world we’re living in

(Repeat Chorus here)

No, don’t blink
Don’t blink
Life goes faster than you think

Life is a roller coaster of twists, turns, ups, and downs. Fate throws us curve balls. Karma brings to us what we have dealt out. Opportunity knocks. Chance opens windows.

Our worlds are filled with change: some we implement, some is forced upon us. You can own the change, and make it your own, or you can sit back and let life happen. Better yet, you can instigate change that will benefit someone else, and better their lives temporarily or permanently. If you are truly successful, that change will be paid forward and continue to grow, blossom, and shine.

Many people talk about what “could” be done to help a situation, but not so many people act upon those ideas. If everyone in the world took a moment out of their day to do something positive for someone else, without benefit to themselves, the world would be filled much happier, more peaceful people.

What can YOU do to implement change for someone else? Here are some easy ideas:

Do you have some time to spare?

• Why not help encourage children to read through a foundation such as the one I wrote about before, called In2Books?
• Or maybe help build a home and/or community with my favorite cause, Habitat for Humanity? You can show up for a few hours, or a few days … the camaraderie of the builds is amazing, and the organization is worldwide.
• Perhaps you could set up a small (or large) fund-raising drive, or blanket-and-food drive (for people AND pet shelters!), or coat collection drive, or scarf-and-gloves drive …
• Volunteer at a food bank: the food has to be sorted, shelved, bagged, and distributed somehow; they rely on volunteers to do much of this!
• If you need more ideas, check out DoSomething.org

Do you have an abundance of love to share?

• Find a local children’s ward or hospital and see if they need volunteers for craft time, reading stories, or even tutoring.
• Stop by a senior home and offer assistance.
• Check out your local animal shelters and see if they need volunteer dog walkers or kitty cuddlers.

Have a little (or a lot) of $$ to spare?

• Do you buy bottled water for yourself? If so, every time you buy a case (or even a bottle), set aside the same amount of money to donate water to a person, family, or community who does not have such easy access to clean water. In one year, you could provide a person with clean water for life ($70), a small group of people could provide a whole family with clean water for life ($400), and a full-fledge fund-raising effort could provide a whole community with water for life ($5000).
• Purchase food for a local pantry, supplies for a local shelter (personal hygiene products are always needed!), an interview-worthy set of clothing for a person struggling to get off welfare, or help a random person with their rent/mortgage payment in a month when they just cannot make ends meet.
• Forgo your daily coffee run one or two times a week, and sponsor a child (or two!) a month. I did not link to anything here because I have been sponsoring children through my local Churches, rather than outsourcing to other countries. Please consider this if you are in the position to sponsor!)
• Donate gas cards, bus passes, or train tokens to people through the unemployment office. It is frustrating to have to walk to an interview, because you feel hot and icky by the time you get there. Not to mention, some towns do not lend themselves to walking because of safety issues.

Need Inspiration?
Check out this blog post: http://roshanthomas.blogspot.com/2008/12/power-of-one.html
Do not limit yourself to my list. Use your imagination, expand on the ideas I have here and fit them into your lifestyle and means. The world is yours to change, just as it is mine, and hers, and his, and theirs. Together, we can make a difference.

Proof that i jump on the trampoline!

I cannot believe I’m showing these. Ugh!

Many of you have seen me Plurking/Tweeting about Baby S power puking every day a couple of times a day from the chemotherapy over the last two weeks. We were told it is because the body weakens with each round of chemo, and hers is less able to recover properly. She has been taken back off solid foods and ONLY receives nutrition through nursing (for the last two weeks), and we do our best to make her nurse for only 5 minutes at a time to keep her belly from feeling overwhelmed.

Earlier this week (Wednesday), she had “clinic,” where she receives her follow-up treatment for the 2nd and 3rd weeks of every round of chemotherapy. At clinic, they always draw blood and test her Alfa-fetoprotein levels - these are basically tumor markers. For Baby S, because she is still a baby, “normal” AFPs should be around 50-80. She is once again showing AFP’s over 100.

The doctors are stumped, and concerned. She is being sent to St Jude’s for a Positron emission tomography (or, PET scan). This is a radiological scan that will (hopefully) help them determine what is going on inside her little body.

This is all the information I have to date. I will of course update you as much as possible, whenever I have anything new. We do not even know, at this point, when the appointment at St Jude’s will be, as they have to fill out all the paperwork, fax it up, then wait for an appointment time.

Thank you for keeping Baby S in your thoughts and prayers. Please continue to do so.

xoxo

December was a crazy month for me. More on that later. The relevant parts of the story are:

1) My ex-husband and his family promised my Tween a trip to Cali, and promised me to cover her Santa gift (the Nintendo Wii) this year since it has been a tough year for me. They then backed out of both of these plans, and said they weren’t sending anything. Later (much later), it turned out they sent her a camera (the camera they had previously promised her for her birthday in 2007, Christmas 2007, and for her birthday in 2008) as a Christmas gift for 2008. The camera is awesome, so please do not think I am complaining they sent it. I am just disappointed it took them more than a year of broken promises to do so.
2) I was laid off from my job, and had to return all of the gifts I had already purchased for Tween, family, and friends. Anything non-refundable was set aside to send out later in Jan or Feb, when I know I have the money to spare for postage.

Tween has been asking for a Wii since they came out, but as a Mom I thought she needed to wait a while before getting one. I would not typically get game systems for her, but my Dad & Stepmom Connie purchased her a Gameboy Advance SP in 2005 when they purchased the same thing for my new step-sister (Connie’s younger child, who is 2 yrs older than Tween). In 2006, I got her a few games for it, and in 2007 (because she had taken such great care of the SP, but mostly because I found it on sale at 75% off), Santa brought her a Nintendo DS Lite. The SP and all of the games she had outgrown were donated, as per our custom, and she now takes great care of the DS. She began talking about getting a Wii more and more frequently when one of my friends started inviting us to come over and play his Wii. Unfortunately, I do not agree with the way he leads his life, so I will not take Tween to his house. I have also been looking for something else for she and I to do together, and since we are only home together in the late evenings, I wanted something indoors, that could be picked up at any time. The Wii fits all of these requirements.

Due to both of the afore-mentioned circumstances, a group of six people banned together to provide Christmas for my Tween. They sent an amazing set of gift cards, so I decided she would get her Santa gift after all: a Wii. The gift cards were sent with that intention, but with the option of using it any way I felt necessary. Besides the large gift cards to be used on the Wii, there were also smaller gift cards for stores that Tweens like to shop in: a bookstore, a jewelry store, and a clothing store. These three I saved for a later date & time.

Several other friends (who I also consider Christmas Angels) provided much-loved gifts to Tween: a gift card to JCPenny, which was one of the things she had requested; the latter three Twilight books, because she loved the first one so much; a small set of candles; and a photo frame.

I am grateful to everyone who helped make my baby’s Christmas special. It is one of the few times I allow her to feel so utterly spoiled, and I was VERY bummed out about having to return all the things I had purchased for her over the last six months.

I can not ever repay my Christmas Angels for their generosity. Financially, I hope to be able to do so someday in the near future. The value of their gifts go far beyond their monetary value, though, and I only hope I can be half as good a friend to them as they have been to me.

As promised, I am sharing the pictures from when Tween realized she is getting a Wii. Santa’s Elves sent her a letter via Santa & Mrs. Claus telling her that since she was such a fabulous child, she was receiving a special gift this year. It also mentioned the actual system would arrive in Jan (they have to build it, yanno!).

Thank you again to all of you who have shown your love and support through various methods. You are appreciated, and I treasure each of you.

xoxo

Devyl

I was reminded today (3:45 am does count as “today” even if I have not gone to sleep and awoken in the new day, thank you very much!) how easily we touch the lives of others.

One day a couple of months ago, I was tweeting (by phone, I think), and one of my friends, mousewords, mentioned something about being stuck, or having some sort of block. I offered up advice I knew I should take more often myself, but often forget until I remind someone else: Get up, stretch, get a glass of water. I am not sure how the next part came about, but I also mentioned at some point to get dolled up and feel sexy, because when she feels sexy she is going to put that good feeling back into whatever she’s working on.

Today, she told me that this advice was not ignored … but incorporated into her life. She actually uses the advice! The great part is that the advice works for her. She thinks about things, she takes her break, she puts herself back into a good mood, a productive mood.

It seems incredible to me that something so simple can touch someone’s life in such a way.
Thank you, mousewords, for renewing my faith in friendship.

xo

BTW … I am going to *attempt* to Blog365. Will you join me?

My theme this year will be to find the joy in things …

Anyone who knows me well knows that I have a habit of looking at the bright side of things. (Those who do not know me well think I am a pessimist, because of my habit of thinking about what could go wrong so I can try to prevent it from happening.) I wake up in the mornings (grumpy, for sure) and CHOOSE to look at the day as a new start, a new day to do something good for someone else, a new day to see the sunrise and the sunset … I choose happiness each day, whether or not I have been given “good” reason to do so. I choose happiness because misery begets misery and happiness begets happiness. I choose happiness because I like to LIVE my life - I only get one, according to some, and I do not want to waste a minute of the life that I have been so generously given.

However, as I recently discovered, and posted about on the guest blog post I wrote for my friend Soren’s blog, I have often missed out on the JOY of life. I have a beautiful life, do not get me wrong. I enjoy playtime with my Tween, my nieces and nephews. I love doing fun things with my friends. I enjoy having time to myself to watch tv, read, write, walk, sit on the beach, or drive around (*cringes at the waste of gas* … but in my defense I have not done this more than twice this year, promise!).

This year, though, I will be looking for the JOY in things. I will try to play a little longer, without getting annoyed. I will romp and play without worrying if someone is going to get hurt. I will laugh and sing and dance and jump on my friend A’s trampoline with the kids. I will actually go on a water slide when we go to the water park, rather than sitting in the shade and enjoying my book. I will splash and play with the kids more at the beach (although I pride myself on being the ONLY adult who got in the water with the kids the last few times we went). I will make sandwiches in silly shapes for the kids, and decorate their dinner plates with something fun, and find any other way I can to bring out the special laughter that only a child can deliver.

I wish you all a beautiful 2009. I hope your mansion of life is filled with love and laughter, friendship and companionship, accomplishments, achievements, and most of all … joy.

My personal motto has been love, laugh, learn, and live … now it will be to find the joy in love, the joy in learning, the joy in laughter, and the joy in living. I hope you all find joy in your lives as well.

Love and hugs,

Devy Gyrl

xoxoxoxo

My friend Kat from Give Cheerfully has started a new blog in answer to a question that Chris Brogan asked on Twitter: “What will you do with your next 40 days? How will it help the world?”

Kat posted a challege on 28 November to: “Tell someone dear to you that you haven’t spoken to in a while you love them.”

I have a friend from high school that lives in town … kindda. She lives in Sandestin, which to me is another universe, since I live in Fort Walton Beach. We are separated by two bridges (at least) and several miles of beach-lined road … no matter which way we would choose to travel to one another. All in all, about 45 minutes of driving. It does not seem like much, but when we are both struggling to stay afloat and we both had recent tragedies in our lives to deal with, it appears that it was too much effort for either of us to close this gap. We *did* do pretty well at keeping in touch via email for a while, but even that has lessened.

So, in answer to Kat’s challenge of the day, I contacted L and let her know I love her. I told her that I would be contacting her again when I get back from my Mommy Vaca and that I am going to stay on her til we get together for lunch or coffee.

Thanks, Kat … I loved this challenge. Hopefully L did too.

xo

Only those who know how much I *ahem* LOVE *cough cough cough* football will understand why I think this is hilarious.

Love to all
xoxo

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team’s bench.

After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

‘Oh, I really liked it,’ she replied, ‘especially the tight pants
and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were

killing each other over 25 cents’

Puzzled, her date asked, ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest
of the game, all they kept screaming was:  ‘Get the quarterback! Get the

quarterback!’

I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!

In my own heart, Thanksgiving has always been about expressing the things that I am grateful for having in my life.

As such, I will list a few of those things here … and encourage you to add your own via comments or a blog post (and link-back so I know to go read!).

I AM THANKFUL FOR:

My daughter, siblings parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins … and every other family member I have. We may not always get along, we may not always stay in touch … but we always know that when it comes down to what we love, we all have each other included in our lists.

My friends - especially C - both in-world and online. I have a habit of retaining friendships for years and years … I am not always good at staying in touch, but I think about people I love often, and I try to reach out once in a while to let them know I care. I have made incredible friendships online - two of my social-network friends (Twitterhubby and OBFF) I have DM’d, text-messaged, IM’d, emailed … but not once spoken to on the phone. The lack of voice communication has not lessened my friendship with them … and only serves to give me hope of such communication in the future.

My shipmates … and our comrades in the other branches of service. Without them willing to lay their lives on the line, we would not have the strength and ability as a country to succeed. We may be faltering in the now, but we will grow strong again … and I hope that it is with lessened violence and a continuance of the lack of war-violence on our home-front.

My job … in a time when so many have no employment, or un-settled employment, I have a job that (for the most part) I love. It may not be spectacular, it may not be saving the world … but it is employment, and it is helping to keep me from falling too far behind. As the economy strengthens, I believe my paycheck will see the results.

My home … because while crowded and noisy and filled with people I love but do not always like, it is a home - a roof over my head, a house where I have my own space to relax and unwind, a gathering place for people I love and enjoy.

I am thankful for text messaging, social networks, computers, the Internet, healthy cat food for Mr. Rascal Lee Kitten, comfortable clothes, beautiful clothes, warm bedding, brownies, mashed potatoes and gravy, sweet tea, the ability to walk/talk/see/feel/hear/sing(badly)/read/write/count/add/reason/express myself/type/love/laugh/learn/live. I am thankful for the knowledge that has been passed onto me, and the knowledge that I pass on to others. I am thankful for the sun and moon rising daily (nightly), the weather (both good and bad), the beautiful state I live in, and the beautiful country I call home. I am thankful for the white sand and emerald waters of my local beaches, the highway that is a straight shot to my friends on the other coast, and the two highways that connect to lead me home. I am thankful for telephone service - both landline and cellular.

I am thankful for @MarkDavidson and Shift+OneMedia, for hosting my blog and always being there to walk me through things whenever I try something new (or lose control by EXCEEDING MY BANDWIDTH!!). Mark also hosts the blog TwitterStars. You should browse it sometime!

I am thankful for the love and joy and happiness of people far and wide, and I am thankful for the opportunities that many of us have, and many others provide. I am thankful for doctors, nurses, police, firefighters, counselors, and the many others who dedicate their lives to helping and healing the people in their communities (and often, the people beyond their communities). I am thankful for the many ways people are choosing to ‘go green,’ and lessen their footprint on the environment. I am thankful for the insight and wisdom of my elders, and the innocence and purity of the children around me.

I am thankful for the artists who entertain me through books, films, television shows, music, and visual pieces.

I am thankful that Baby S has been blessed TWICE with what appear to be successful fights in removing the cancer from her body (she is still undergoing post-chemo surgery, so we will know more next year).

There are many more things I am thankful for, but I think I have given you more than enough to chew on for now … I hope you add to, reiterate, and expand on the list I have started here.

OH! One more … it may be last, but it definitely not the least:

I am thankful for everyone who takes the time to read my random thoughts and ramblings on this blog …. I know I often rant and rave, ramble on endlessly, and sometimes do not make sense … but I appreciate the time you spend reading and replying. Apparently there are more of you than I thought, because I exceeded my bandwidth today. Please, comment when you read, even if it is just to say hi! I’d love to know who is here reading along!!

I hope everyone celebrating Thanksgiving has a wonderful experience sharing with people they love, whether it be friends, family, strangers … or all three.

With much love …

I have a (social network) friend, Kat, who came up with an excellent idea to advantageously utilize social networking for the greater good.

I am sorry to admit that I, myself, have not yet donated to this cause … but I have pimped it out a couple of times on my various social networks. I want to take a moment to do so again, now.

Recently, Kat had to cancel a charity dinner she had been organizing, due to lack of participation. It made me sad to think I myself had not taken part in promoting the event other than one message sent out to all of my social networks. I know that had more of my friends (and their friends, and their friends … ) been aware of the event, the goal would have not only been met … but most likely exceeded.

Givecheerfully is the social media website that appeals to your social conscience. Our goal is to revolutionize the way people give using the awesome opportunities provided by the internet. This website will link people and businesses with charities, causes, churches and nonprofits all over the world. Givecheerfully will run strictly on the pledges and donations of those who feel called to give, so that 100% of every dollar will go directly to your chosen nonprofit. Charities and nonprofits will have the chance to be heard on a global platform. The average person can connect with the cause that touches them most. Nonprofit volunteers can post blogs, images, even video to advance awareness. Givecheerfully is the website that will connect all these people because we believe together we can change the world.

To find out more about Givecheerfully’s plans for this website, please check out our blog, specifically the First Seed post; or email us at info@givecheerfully.com.

Holiday time is rolling around, and with it all the stress of all the miserable holidays of my childhood. I do my best not to sink into the depression that I know can completely darken my spirit … but I am not always successful.

On my mind today:

We knew Christmas 2004 would be interesting. Our town was still completely devastated (Hurricane Charley had blown through four months earlier, wreaking havoc on us all). Our finances were strained. I made the decision to not let tween go out west as usual, because my stepmother was fairly certain this was her last big holiday.

Christmas morning was the normal beautiful holiday that my Dad & Stepmother always managed to create (i was not privy to most of them: my mom & stepfather preferred to keep me in the morning & let my Dad & Stepmom have the evening of the holidays). We all managed some incredibly meaningful gifts … especially my Stepmother. By the afternoon, when we were all due to go to my Uncle’s house to celebrate with the extended family (my Mom & Stepdad were out of town - no need to split the holiday for once), my Stepmother looked pretty worn … she did not want to come over. I left with everyone else, but could not stop thinking about her being at home alone. After everyone arrived, I found Dad and told him I was going home, asked him to help me prepare a plate of my Stepmother’s favorite foods. We packaged it up, along with gifts from other family members, and off I went. Everyone else chose to stay with the family, so I knew it would be a pleasant evening at home, quietly watching movies and crying over the sappy bits together.

A couple of people called to check on us, but we got off the phone quickly each time, just enjoying our togetherness. Around 8pm, I had a sudden realization: she did not touch her plate of Christmas favorites … did not eat any candy, did not snack on the Little Debbie Christmas cakes. She barely drank any water.

Shit.

That was the moment I knew. This was the down-turn. She was hanging on to get through the holiday … but she was on her way out the door. It was another week (with her munching slightly, forcing herself to drink water, and receiving IV treatments) before her liver shut down completely. She was moved to the hospital, in so much pain she could not stand, or be lifted … it took an hour to move her from the bed to a stool with wheels, and another 30 minutes to get her out the door to the car, another ten minutes to get into the car. It was an awful, horrifying, miserable, painful process.

Once at the hospital, we received the official notification of what we already knew. From then on, we changed from home to acceptance. Everyone was called, the whole family flocked back home to see her. Only one cousin did not make it in time - probably the one who felt the loss the most since my Stepmother had taken her in and raised her years before.

I know when my stepmother was on her way home, our whole family (all 100+ of us) were in and out of the hospital room, and camped out in the hallways. One day soon after my Stepmother’s passing, I ran into Nurse XXoXX who said, “Your family is so beautiful. You were losing someone obviously important, because none of you left the hospital for more than an hour the whole three days she was here … but all of you were smiling, polite, loving, laughing … it was amazing to the whole staff that you could find joy in such a devastating time.”

We had made the choice to enjoy every moment of her life with her - even if she could not properly do so. We cried in private, and smiled and loved and laughed together.

We cannot know when our “time” is up (for the most part), so enjoyment of life is something we should all take advantage of … we wanted her heart to rest, we wanted her mind at peace, and we wanted her soul to float as high as possible …. all without realizing how much pain we all felt inside.

So, if it was all so beautiful … what has me so down right now?

*Lays my head down on my desk.*

I want my mommy back, please.

My dear friend Sam sent this to me:

Stolen from (who else?) @perpstu.

(And also shared by Citizen Jane and AsKatKnits)

1. When showering, do you start the water and then get in, or get in then start the water?
In the summer, I get in and start the water. In the cooler days, I start the water & let it warm, then get in.

2. Do you read the labels on your shampoo bottle?
No, but I probably should.

3. Do you moan in the shower like the people on the Herbal Essences commercial?
Only when … erm….

4. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex?
Who hasn’t?

5. Have you ever been forced to shower with one of your siblings?
Forced, no … but I seem to remember that my sis and/or cousin and I used to bathe together and/or shower together. It seems some people who have taken this quiz think this is outrageous … it honestly did not (and does not) bother any of us. We wouldn’t do it as adults, but as kids it was NBD.

6. Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?
Yes, but I do not do it regularly. I do not like the smell of toothpaste to be effused into my bedroom. I **love** the smell of my shampoo/conditioner/body soap though, so they can waft into my room ANY TIME.

7. Have you ever dropped your soap on your foot?
Unfortunately. Whole bottles of soap too. Ouch.

8. How old do you look?
Depends on the day and, literally, the time of month.

9. How old do you act?
How old do I need to act?

10. What’s the last song you sang?
I’ll Be There by The Escape Club

11. Have you recently become a member of anything?
NaBloPoMo & NaNoWriMo … but I will not be participating in the latter because I suck.

12. What are your plans for the weekend?
Working on a project my pseudo-boss has assigned me (yay!! I totally need the paycheck for rent!), resting, relaxing, and preparing for the busy week.

13. Do you kiss with your eyes open or closed?
Closed usually.

14. What’s the sexiest thing about Condoleeza Rice?
Her brains, I imagine. I do not equate sexy with CR.

15. Does anything on your body itch right now?
Nope.

16. Who’s the sexiest famous woman alive?
Salma Hayek.

17. Who’s the sexiest famous man alive?
Matthew McConaughey or Tim McGraw, depending on my mood.

18. Does every family have a crazy uncle?
I do. Crazy as in, he likes to harass the hell out of all of us and tease us and make fun of us and be a pest whenever he can. Funny, he is also all of our favorite.

19. Have you ever smuggled something through customs?
No. Well, not that I know of…Not intentionally. Wait, have I? <shifty eyes>

20. Does playing the guitar make a guy more attractive?
Yes.

21. Do you live in a city with a good sports team?
No.

22. Have you ever finished off the popcorn and ate the junk from the bottom of the bag?
Not that I recall. I am not a popcorn fanatic tho.

23. Have you ever had sex in a tent?
No. Outside of a tent, yes. In a tree, yes. In a campground, yes. Not *in* the tent though. Odd.

24. What about in a boat?
Yes. Who HASN’T had sex in a boat if they leave near the beach (or were in the Navy … bot of which are true for me).

25. Have you ever dated a Goth?
One. *sigh* We still talk, but he’s no longer goth. RUDE!

26. Would you rather receive amazing oral sex or have amazing sex?
Amazing sex is so much better because it is interactive

27. Can you fix your own car?
No. But I *can* tell the mechanic exactly what is wrong with my car, so I bet if I pulled out a book I could actually fix it too.