Then, we have a conversation like tonight’s. We touched on a couple of the things that were weighing on her mind, we laughed, we vented, we reminisced. We discussed ideas and issues within ourselves. We *connected.*

However tenuous our friendship may seem sometimes, we’re connected by our history. That history includes love, loss, anger, sadness, celebrations, failures, pain, blessings, wrongdoings, and everything else life encompasses. Our greatest gift to each other is our ability to love. Each other. I do not think either of us has done anything to one another to cause pain. Our friendship was more a victim of how we interacted with others, and the things we did in those other parts of our lives. (Then again, maybe I did do something, and do not remember it … if I did, she’ll have to tell me one day, so I can apologize properly. I remember a lot of my wrongdoings, but I’m sure I’ve blocked a few of them out … I am always surprised by things -good and bad- that other people remember about me.)

Something that (happily) surprises me whenever we *do* talk is that we fall into an easy flow of conversation that both could last forever and comes to a natural close. A lot of this has to do with her amazing ability to entertain. A good deal also has to do with us being comfortable talking about things, even when it would seem uncomfortable with another person.

I have also discovered something else about myself while becoming reacquainted with this friend: I chose well when I chose my core group of friends, even though I chose them in elementary, middle, and high school. The same friends I chose then are the friends I now look forward to interacting with the most. In realizing this, I am comfortable with decisions I make for myself, no matter how far they take me from the ideal my family would like for me to fulfill. I know myself better than they do, no matter how much they love me.

I may be destitute by some standards. The standards I measure my wealth by, however, have been shattered by my successes.

For my friend, a reminder of our conversation tonight:
~Friendships and relationships waver and strengthen. Hold on to the ones that matter, let the rest drift away.
~You cannot control the changes in life. You cannot control how people react to those changes.
~YOU are the most important factor in any equation with which YOU are involved. Accept your own decisions, choices, and actions. Do not accept blame for the parts anyone else played.
~The people closest to you accept you for who you are, love you for being that person, and allow you to blossom within yourself. Thank them by continuing to be the best you possible: ensure you have small doses of those things you need (fulfill that wanderlust!) so the need to go crazy doesn’t have a chance to develop.

And, most of all, thank you for reaching out to me tonight. I needed the conversation as much as you, even though I didn’t realize it.

xoxo

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Tonight is a perfect example of why I think my friendship with Christy is a true example of soul mates. Early Saturday morning, she woke up with an odd numbness to her face. She felt fine, otherwise, so she didn’t stress it. Later, I noticed that the whole lower half of her face had gone slack and was swollen. It freaked me out a little bit, but I checked her lymph nodes (normal), vision (normal - she met my eyes, didn’t sway, etc), speech (normal), and balance (normal - for her ;)). I suggested she take motrin/advil to help with the swelling, then talk to her husband later in the evening and ask him what could have caused the swelling and numbness.

Fast forward through a crazy day (delivering cookies, cleaning up after kids, Blue & Gold ceremony for Christian, etc) to when Billy meets us at the B/G ceremony. She pulls him aside and tells him what happened, and he gets upset at us because she didn’t go into the ER or mention the symptoms earlier. He’s a medic - works the ambulance and the life flight - so he’s always immediately on top of anything medical. We discuss it a little with him, explain why we didn’t see any reason to treat it as an emergency, and moved on.

A couple of hours later, after we had all gone home, Billy did some research, and Christy mentioned that her cheek/jaw area still felt odd, they called me and we all headed into the ER.

Billy had a rough couple of days (he was just coming off of a 36 hr shift), so he was tired, stressed, and really just wanted to be in bed, sleeping. He was grumpy, moody, and bitching about everything. Not in a mean way … just venting, blowing steam.

Christy and I, on the other hand, had our books out, reading. In between character conversations scene descriptions, we were cracking jokes and antagonizing Billy. We’d set our books aside briefly to interact with him, but mostly we read and made wisecracks.

Despite the fact that we were ALL exhausted, despite the fact that Billy and I were very worried about Christy, and despite the fact that NONE of us wanted to end our day in the ER, it was a GREAT night. We laughed more in that three hours than we did all day long.

That’s right, folks. Christy and I can turn even a hospital trip into a party! THAT is a tride-and-true friendship. A match made in heaven. Soul mates.

I have the greatest best friend in the world.

Oh yeah - Christy is fine. She has a polyp or something in her maxillary something or other, and will need to follow up with an ENT to have it removed/tested. She was given meds tonight, and a prescription to fill tomorrow. Everything else looked good, except she was dehydrated. The surgery won’t be fun, but she’ll make it through.  Keep her in your prayers, or send a few positive thoughts her way.

xoxo

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“Waking up this morning, I smile. Twenty-four brand new hours are before me. I vow to live fully in each moment and to look at all beings with eyes of compassion.”

~Thich Nhat Hanh

I know many of us are facing turmoil in our lives right now. Our choices today affect our chances tomorrow. Choose happiness in your life, daily. Face each morning (or afternoon/evening … whenever YOU awake from slumber) with a smile, a mental hug, and the determination to make TODAY the best day it can be. If something happens to set you off track, do your best to begin again with a new smile, an extra hug, and refreshed determination.

xoxo

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I am concerned about her, because unlike me, she’s a planner. She likes things to be lined up, ready to go. She has an agenda, and knows her next step. She doesn’t like change to be imposed upon her. I know she’s worried about how things will work out from here. I know she’ll find *something* to do, and I know she’ll throw herself into it full-force, making it the best job in the world.

What scares me the most about this has nothing to do with the actual crisis our economy is facing. I know, firsthand, that the job market is not picking up, that the economic crisis is not yet over. I have faced hardship and struggle unlike anything I could have ever expected. Knowing it firsthand did not concern me nearly as much as watching teachers all over the country being laid off.

Why, you ask? Because our parents always told us if we became teachers our jobs would always be secure. Funny how something so simple can affect a person all the way down to their core. There are times when I love proving my parents wrong. This is *not* one of those times!

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However, all in all, I think I have a gem in her. She truly is a great kid, and she does work hard to get good grades, take care of her kitties, and do the things she knows she should be doing. I am one proud momma!

I had to confront her recently about being on her iPod chatting after hours. I had the evidence, but I didn’t confront her with it … I just asked. She admitted to her wrongdoing, then apologized. THEN, I asked her about a couple of messages I had seen from a friend of hers. I worried about the content, because it is proof that she is being faced with decisions that I really hate her having to face.

At least one of her friends has been having sex for at least two years. A few of her classmates have been suspended and/or expelled from school because of drugs. She isn’t sure what kind of drugs, but she knew that it had happened. I asked her about these things and she admitted that it scared her that the kids were doing them, but hasn’t been directly pressured by any of her friends. I let her know that under no circumstances are these scenarios okay with me. I do NOT accept them. If she is faced with something and she is considering doing them, she needs to think about that.

I also made it clear that if she had ANY questions - no matter how embarrassing, no matter how “adult,” no matter how ridiculous they may seem, she can always ask me. I may not think she’s ready for the full gamut, but I’ll do my best to answer her questions in an age-appropriate manner. I would prefer she find out about ANYTHING from me, rather than from someone else.

I am thankful, every day, that my best friend and her husband treat my daughter just like their own. That means even if I am unreachable for some reason, she has at least two other adults she knows she can call under any circumstances. Billy (BFF’s hubby) plays a fatherly role to her, admiring her grades when she does well & being supportive when she’s struggling, helping her practice softball, talking to her about important issues when they come up. I expect it from my best friend … but he really rises to the occasion and goes above and beyond where these things are concerned.

What things have you had to confront your children on? What issues do you think I should approach her with, before she comes to me? Where do you draw the line with your own children?

xoxo

“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away”

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You and I, we need to have a CTJ.

This is FLORIDA. We’re known for our mild winters and so-hot-they’re-scorching summers. We held up our bargain and didn’t threaten you during the summer. Why the hell are you torturing us with 20-something degree weather and icy stuff coming from the sky?

You’ve had your fun w/the snow flurries, icy cold mornings, and bitterly cold winds. When I traveled to Boston in Dec 08 for work/play, I was warmer than I am now, sitting in my bed.

Please, put our weather back on track!

Love, Angeles

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So, the red walls have been Kilz’d (and someone should ask Christy how she ended up with WHITE hair instead of blond!), and will soon be painted Tinkerbell green. We’re very excited about the renovation, and cannot wait until little Seralyn has a WHOLE BED to sleep in - instead of kicking Mom & Dad out of THEIR bed so she can spread out!

Tomorrow, the green will go down, and on Saturday we’ll be picking up the pretty purple/lavender for the trim. The room will be de-dragoned and completely Tinkerbelled! **happy dance**

I’m just excited that ONE of the kids will have green, darn it!

What kinds of home improvements have YOU been making lately?

xoxo

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This particular evening kick-started my love for curries. I have had several versions at different kinds of ethnic restaurants, but nothing has ever come close to that first meal. Even more surprising, it was a *red* curry, which I typically dislike - I far prefer the flavors of green and yellow curries.

Now, when I want a curry fix, I head to the Bangkok House, a restaurant in the next town over.(Unless, of course, I can get Billy to make it for us here… not having to leave my second home is far preferable. ;)) They typically have two or three curries on the buffet at lunch. I have discovered that I do *not* like potatoes in my curry. I like BH’s red curry, because it has coconut milk and is more orange than red. I love that they cut their bamboo shoots into short straws instead of slices. And, most of all, I love the service. While spaghetti is my favorite meal to eat at home … I think curry is my favorite meal to eat out. No matter where you go, it tastes different or has different ingredients. There is always something new to discover.

I need a personal chef who makes me curry once a week at home, just like the curry at Bangkok House. I think life would be pretty damn near perfect!

What is YOUR favorite food to eat out? Do you remember the first time you tried it?

xoxo

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I watch my daughter, and I see the young woman she is becoming. She’s more secure, smarter, more beautiful than I was at her age. She still has some insecurities, but she isn’t afraid of taking a step without being told to do so. She and I have a great relationship - she knows I’m Mom first, but she trusts me enough to talk to me about things. Sometimes I have to get them out of her, but often she comes to me with questions or curiosities.

I admire her, often. I compare her to my sister more than I compare her to myself, because I always saw my sister as more put together than I was. My sister is intelligent, beautiful, and always had an elegant way about her. She is a lot more like my mother. I was always the awkward kid. I was always very emotional - overemotional, my dad would call me. I wasn’t free to express my emotions at home, but I could when I was with my friends. At home, I lived my emotions through the books I read. I hid out in my room often, burying myself for hours in a book, live vicariously through the characters, and then reluctantly join the rest of the world again.

I find it rather comforting that while many people blame their parents for how they turn out, there are many MORE people who overcome who their parents were, and become wonderful people themselves. I know I am not the greatest mother, but I also know I am the best mother **I** can be.

I do not regret any of the choices I have made in my life. I think I have made some great ones. I know they are not the choices my family would have liked me to make (and as much as I do not want to care about that, it still hurts that I am a disappointment to them), but I know they were the right choices for myself and my little family of two.

I watch my daughter, and I see the young woman she is becoming. I surge with pride when I realize that *I* helped shape her into that person. I gave birth to this beautiful child, I raised her in a manner that taught her to show compassion and understanding, I gave her the tools to understand decision making, and I taught her what it is to love unconditionally.

And then … and then I realize: all too soon, my little girl will be teaching HER children these things.
If she takes my advice seriously, that will be at least 15 years in the future. But, as a mother, I know I cannot choose her life path for her … she’ll have to make her own way.

Have I given her enough of the right tools? Time to think about what ELSE I can teach her, while she’s still under the protection of my mother-wing.

xoxox

6lbs and 9oz. lookin’ up at me
Like I have all the answers
I hope I have the ones you need
I’ve never really done this, now I know what scared is

Sometimes I’ll protect you from everything that’s wrong
Other times I’ll let you just find out on your own
But that’s when you’ll be growin’,
And the whole time I’ll be knowin

CHORUS:
You’re gonna fly with every dream you chase
You’re gonna cry, but know that that’s okay
Sometimes life’s not fair, but if you hang in there
You’re gonna see that sometimes bad is good
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You’re gonna be

I’m afraid you’ll have to suffer through
some of my mistakes
Lord knows I’ll be trying to give you what it takes
What it takes to know the difference
Between getting by and livin’

‘Cause anything worth doing is worth doing all the way
Just know you’ll have to live with all
the choices that you make
So make sure you’re always givin’ way
more than you’re takin’

CHORUS

Someone’s everything
You’re gonna see
Just what you are to me

You’re gonna fly with every dream you chase
We just have to believe things work out like they should
Life has no guarantees, but always loved by me
You’re gonna be
Always loved by me

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The other night, Rena and I had a “fight.” I spoke, she pouted/whined/spoke back, I got angry at her for acting like a spoiled brat, and then we texted for an hour, working it out (I find it easier to get her to talk when not face-to-face, especially if I am already angry at her and trying not to yell).

It was a silly argument: she has clothes in her closet that she does not wear. Most of these are clothes she has asked for at some point. They are all clothes that are beautiful, and none are clothes that I forced her to choose against her will. I have asked her before to make sure she starts wearing more of her clothes. She tells me things like, “it doesn’t fit anymore,” or “I don’t really like it - I only bought it because I didn’t want to disappoint you.” Uhm, excuse me: it would have fit six months ago if you would have worn it when you asked for it, and I do NOT exert “motherly control” over your wardrobe!

The “fighting” portion of this scenario ended with me ripping (ok, removing with her permission … “ripping” sounds more like what I wanted to do!) the sweater off of her person and throwing it in the garbage to show her what a waste it was for her not to wear it. (It is in the laundry now, folks - I did *not* throw my money away literally! Besides, my niece loves the damn sweater and will be thrilled to wear it!)

Later, in our text discussion, I told her I was angry because I asked her to wear a sweater before it got too small, and she felt like she needed to argue/pout/whine about it. I let her know I did not EVER want to see that behavior again - she knows it angers me, because we’ve discussed it when we have seen other children treating their parents that way. I also let her know I felt like such an attitude was the display of a spoiled, ungrateful child.

My parents did not give me a choice with my own clothing growing up. I always swore I would not treat my own children that way. I have always given Rena choices, and allowed her to express herself however she chooses through her hair and wardrobe. On the other hand, I hate wastefulness. I do not want to be spending what little money we have on something that will go to total waste. It is frustrating and depressing.

I feel like maybe my working so hard to ensure she doesn’t feel deprived has gone too far. I think maybe she is a little spoiled. I’m cooking up a little plan in my head, and I hope to implement it soon. If I do, you know I’ll blog about it! Until then, I am going to remove all the clothes from my daughter’s room that she doesn’t wear. When she ONLY has the choice of the handful of items she wears, I’ll bet she’ll start wanting more options. And when she does, she’ll realize that maybe she needs to listen to me more often and start wearing more of her clothes!

(Thinking on it now, I am realizing the problem is her liking something and wanting to wear it, then realizing her friends probably won’t approve, and chickening out. She’s done that with a few other things before, only with those it was more obvious because she bought items or put together outfits for special days at school - crazy hat day, mismatch day, twins day, etc - then decided at teh last minute not to wear them. I’m obviously going to have to talk to her about peer pressure in relation to even the smallest of decisions.)

This whole scenario represents the lowest of lows in parenting. I shouldn’t have lost my temper - I’m still not sure why it affected me so deeply, although something hormonal is likely, considering the timeline. I do know that while I am not proud of it, and despite the fact that I’ve had a few “friends” on Plurk tell me I’m a shitty mother, I am glad it happened. I’d rather confront her spoiled attitude over something small, rather than have it be displayed over something that truly matters in the scheme of life. At least now I have the opportunity to guide her in another direction!

Feel free to tell me your thoughts in the comments — good and bad.

xoxox

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